GETTING OLDER

(from BoomerBaby.com) Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:



· I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

· My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

· I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

· Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded...

· All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

· If all is not lost, where is it?

· It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

· Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

· I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

· Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

· Accidents in the back seat - cause kids.

· It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

· Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

· If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

· When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

· It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

· These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.