AMAZINGLY SIMPLE HOME REMEDIES

1. Avoid cutting yourself when slicing vegetables by getting someone else to hold while you chop.

2. Avoid arguments with the Mrs. about lifting the toilet seat by using the shower.

3. For high blood pressure sufferers: simply cut yourself and bleed for a few minutes, thus reducing the pressure in your veins.

Remember to use a timer.

4. A mouse trap, placed on top of your alarm clock, will prevent you from rolling over and going back to sleep after you hit the snooze button.

5. If you have a bad cough, take a large dose of laxatives, then you will be afraid to cough.

6. You only need two tools in life - WD-40 and Duct Tape. If it doesn't move and should, use the WD-40. If it shouldn't move and does...use the duct tape.

**Daily Thought: SOME PEOPLE ARE LIKE SLINKIES. THEY'RE NOT REALLY GOOD FOR ANYTHING BUT THEY BRING A SMILE TO YOUR FACE WHEN PUSHED DOWN THE STAIRS

FOOLISH EXCUSES YOU NEED TO STOP USING

Does it seem that somebody else is always responsible for your failures? Are you ever at fault? Well, guess what -- foolish excuses, pointing fingers and living in denial are temporary band-aids that will eventually come undone and cause you nothing but heartache. If you are one of the people living in denial, stop pretending to be above failure.

I 'm Way Too Busy; the Family Will Understand -- Your family needs you, and not just for your paycheck. Fast forward 20 years and think about this for a second -- do you really think that your children will ever say, "I'm glad mom/dad got that raise 10 years ago instead of watching me at football practice or helping me with my homework."

I Would be More Successful if My Job Weren't as Boring -- It's not your employer's fault, but there are some things you can do. If you like your employer but feel 'bored', then ask for new challenges.


My Team Is Holding Me Back -- Then why not do something about it? Why not help them become better at what they're doing so that all of you can reap the rewards later on?

My Boss Makes Bad Decisions -- Yes, but he/she has the right to make any decisions he sees fit since, in the end, it's his or her money or reputation on the line. If you want things to change, start being your own boss, nobody is stopping you.

I Don't Have Time to Stay in Shape -- But will you have time to spend in the hospital? If that is not the case then take at least a few minutes each day moving your body, strenuously. Investing time now prevents years of misery later in life!

Taking Risks Would Have Been Foolish -- Guess what: if you are serious about being successful, taking calculated risks every now and then is simply a must. Yes, there are foolish risks which should be avoided but, in the end, you simply have to take your share of calculated risks at a certain point.

Homeward Bound at Last

(author unknown)

I’ve spent nearly four years in this barren place,
do people back home still remember my face?


How is my family doing back home?
Have they been left to grieve all alone?

So many times I thought, finally I’ve been found,
as I heard familiar voices approach from all around!


With rescue eminent, I would shout out my name,
I am Matt Maupin, do you remember my name!

Have you come to rescue me true to your word,
Have my cries for help finally been heard?


You kept the promise, “no man left behind.”
The faith I clung to wasn’t just blind!

Then as the voices slowly faded away,
I knew that rescue wouldn’t come this day!


Gradually each time as hope began to fade,
was the command to end search finally made?

Wait, again, I think I hear that familiar sound,
American soldiers’ foot steps and voices all around,
The sand and dirt around me begins to move away,
Yet I am afraid to believe I am found on this day!

Thank you God for looking over me I begin to cry,
as I feel myself lifted and I look toward the sky.
I reflect on my journey these four years past,
and offer prayer to God I’m “Homeward bound at last!”

THE BOY AND A GLASS OF WATER

A small boy is sent to bed by his mother...
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a glass of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Mommm..."
"WHAT??!!"

“When you come in to spank me whould you bring a glass of water?”

THE BOY AND A GLASS OF WATER

A small boy is sent to bed by his mother...
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"What?"
"I'm thirsty. Can you bring me a glass of water?"
"No. You had your chance. Lights out."
[Five minutes later]
"Mom..."
"WHAT?"
"I'm THIRSTY...Can I have a glass of water??"
"I told you NO! If you ask again I'll have to spank you!!"
[Five minutes later]
"Mommm..."
"WHAT??!!"

“When you come in to spank me whould you bring a glass of water?”

SEVEN TRAITS OF SUCCESSFUL PEOPLE

By Pinyo

Successful people know what they want
And they set goals

Successful people don’t just think, they act
So you have set some goals for yourself — great! But if all you do is think about them, you will never accomplish anything. Thinkers think and doers do. But until the thinkers do and the doers think, progress will be just another word in the already overburdened vocabulary of the talkers who talk.

The key is to have the dare to dream and the courage to act.

Successful people have insatiable hunger for knowledge
My motto is never cease to learn, because if I did, I would cease to grow.

Successful people are curious and are not afraid to experiment
This trait goes hand-in-hand with knowledge. People like to say that “curiosity killed the cat”, but I don’t like that proverb much. I think it’s the opposite: lack of curiosity breeds mediocrity.

Successful people build their networks
Networking doesn’t mean sucking up to your boss, or choosing to hang out with important people. True networking is about building relationships at all levels inside and outside of your work environment —

Successful people are passionate about what they do
Do you think Tiger Woods hates golf? Does Gary Kasparov hate chess? Did Shakespeare hate writing? Of course, not! They are passionate about what they do, and have a lot of fun doing it. That’s why they’re so darn good and successful.

Successful people are persistent and patient
I had an interesting conversation with my mom the other day. We were talking about a successful political figure in Thailand. My mom said that he had failed so many times before he made it big — in a sense that having past failures is a bad thing. I disagreed and in my opinion:

People who never made it are as they are because they tried, failed, and never try again.

People who are mediocre are as they are because they found something that works and never try anything else.

People who are successful are as they are because despite their past failures, they kept trying until they found something that worked really well.

Not too many people succeed without effort, determination, and patience. Personally, I have never become good at something without trying a few times, and to get really good at something takes years of practice.

RECYCLING FACTS

Just in time for Earth Day

Throwing away a single aluminum can, versus recycling it, is like pouring out six ounces of gasoline. Last year, Americans recycled enough aluminum cans to conserve the energy equivalent of more than15 million barrels of oil.

The EPA estimates that 75 percent of what Americans throw in the trash could actually be recycled. Currently, only 30 percent is.

The national recycling rate of 30 percent saves the equivalent of more than five billion gallons of gasoline, reducing dependence on foreign oil by 114 million barrels. This could be even higher.

Every Sunday 500,000 trees could be saved if everyone recycled their newspapers.

Running a refrigerator and freezer for one year can produce as much pollution as driving a car from Chicago to Las Vegas

Every minute, 37,000 empty soft drink bottles are thrown away in the United States

THE SCAR

After an anger outburst, the scar remains with the victim. Especially if it is a woman, women generally remember what you have said for a long time. Be careful when dealing with your anger.



There was a little boy with a bad temper. His father gave him a bag of nails and told him that every time he lost his temper, to hammer a nail in the back fence. The first day the boy had driven 37 nails into the fence.



Then it gradually dwindled down. He discovered it was easier to hold his temper than to drive those nails into the fence. Finally the day came when the boy didn't lose his temper at all.



He told his father about it and the father suggested that the boy now pull out one nail for each day that he was able to hold his temper. The days passed and the young boy was finally able to tell his father that all the nails were gone. The father took his son by the hand and led him to the fence.



He said, "You have done well, my son, but look at the holes in the fence. The fence will never be the same. When you say things in anger, they leave a scar just like this one. You can put a knife in a man and draw it out.

It won't matter how many times you say 'I'm sorry', the wound is still there."

IT TOOK ME A LONG TIME TO LEARN

If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved, and never will achieve, its full potential, that word would be "meetings."

People who want to share their religious views with you almost never want you to share yours with them.

You should not confuse your career with your life.

Nobody cares if you can't dance well. Just get up and dance.

Never lick a steak knife.

You will never find anybody who can give you a clear and compelling reason why we observe daylight savings time.

You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests that you think she's pregnant unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

Thought for the day: Never be afraid to try something new. Remember that a lone amateur built the Ark. A large group of professionals built the Titanic.

The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we ALL believe that we are above-average drivers

57 CENT CHURCH

Submitted by Suze Unger


A little girl stood near a small church from which she had been turned away because it was 'too crowded.'

'I can't go to Sunday School,' she sobbed to the pastor as he walked by.

Seeing her shabby, unkempt appearance, the pastor guessed the reason and, taking her by the hand, took her inside and found a place for her in the Sunday school class. The child was so happy that they found room for her, and she went to bed that night thinking of the children who have no place to worship Jesus

Some two years later, this child lay dead in one of the poor tenement buildings. Her parents called for the kindhearted pastor who had befriended their daughter to handle the final arrangements.

As her poor little body was being moved, a worn and crumpled red purse was found which seemed to have been rummaged from some trash dump.

Inside was found 57 cents and a note, scribbled in childish handwriting, which read: 'This is to help build the little church bigger so more children can go to Sunday School.'

For two years she had saved for this offering of love

When the pastor tearfully read that note, he knew instantly what he would do. Carrying this note and the cracked, red pocketbook to the pulpit, he told the story of her unselfish love and devotion

He challenged his deacons to get busy and raise enough money for the larger building.

But the story does not end there...

A newspaper learned of the story and published It. It was read by a wealthy realtor who offered them a parcel of land worth many thousands. When told that the church could not pay so much, he offered to sell it to the little church for 57 cents.

Church members made large donations. Checks came from far and wide. Within five years the little girl's gift had increased to $250,000.00--a huge sum for that time (near the turn of the century). Her unselfish love had paid large dividends.

When you are in the city of Philadelphia , look up Temple Baptist Church, with a seating capacity of 3,300. And be sure to visit Temple University, where thousands of students are educated. Have a look, too, at the Good Samaritan Hospital and at a Sunday School building which houses hundreds of beautiful children, built so that no child in the area will ever need to be left outside during Sunday school time.

In one of the rooms of this building may be seen the picture of the sweet face of the little girl whose 57 cents, so sacrificially saved, made such remarkable history. Alongside of it is a portrait of her kind pastor, Dr. Russell H. Conwell.


This is a true story, which goes to show WHAT GOD CAN DO WITH 57 CENTS.

My dog Abbey

ABBEY



Our 14 year old dog, Abbey, died last month. The day after she died, my 4
year old daughter Meredith was crying and talking about how much she
missed Abbey. She asked if we could write a letter to God so that when
Abbey got to heaven, God would recognize her. I told her that I thought
we could so she dictated these words:

Dear God,

Will you please take care of my dog? She died yesterday and is with
you in heaven. I miss her very much. I am happy that you let me have
her as my dog even though she got sick.

I hope you will play with her. She likes to play with balls and to
swim. I am sending a picture of her so when you see her. You will know
that she is my dog. I really miss her.

Love, Meredith.

We put the letter in an envelope with a picture of Abbey and Meredith
and addressed it to God/Heaven. We put our return address on it. Then
Meredith pasted several stamps on the front of the envelope because she
said it would take lots of stamps to get the letter all the way to
heaven. That afternoon she dropped it into the letter box at the post
office. A few days later, she asked if God had gotten the letter yet. I
told her that I thought He had.

Yesterday, there was a package wrapped in gold paper on our front porch
addressed, "To Meredith , " in an unfamiliar hand. Meredith opened it.
Inside was a book by Mr. Rogers called, "When a Pet Dies." Taped to the
inside front cover was the letter we had written to God in its opened
envelope. On the opposite page was the picture of Abbey & Meredith and
this note:

Dear Meredith,

Abbey arrived safely in heaven. Having the picture was a big help. I
recognized Abbey right away.
Abbey isn't sick anymore. Her spirit is here with me just like it stays in
your heart. Abbey loved being your dog. Since we don't need our bodies
in heaven, I don't have any pockets to keep your picture in, so I am
sending it back to you in this little book for you to keep and have
something to remember Abbey by.
Thank you for the beautiful letter and thank your mother for helping you
write it and sending it to me. What a wonderful mother you have. I picked
her especially for you.
I send my blessings every day and remember that I love you very much.
By the way, I'm easy to find, I am wherever there is love.
Love,
God

Be Grateful

Author: Peter Gerhard
Source: Unknown
Translator: Unknown

Maybe God wants us to meet a few wrong people before meeting the right one so that when we finally meet the right person, we will know how to be grateful for that gift.

When the door of happiness closes, another opens, but often times we look so long at the closed door that we don't see the one which has been opened for us.

The best kind of friend is the kind you can sit on a porch and swing with, never say a word, and then walk away feeling like it was the best conversation you've ever had.

It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.

Don't go for looks; they can deceive. Don't go for wealth; even that fades away. Go for someone who makes you smile because it takes only a smile to make a dark day seem bright. Find the one that makes your heart smile.

May you have enough happiness to make you sweet, enough trails to make you strong, enough sorrow to keep you human, enough hope to bring you joy.

Always put yourself in another's shoes. If you feel that it hurts you, it probably hurts the other person, too.

The happiest of people don't necessarily have the best of everything; they just make the most of everything that comes along their way.

The brightest future will always be based on a forgotten past, you can't get on well in life until you let go of past failures and heartaches.

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you was smiling. Live your life so that when you die, you're the one who is smiling and everyone around you is crying.

WHEN IT COMES TO ARGUING WITH WOMEN Thursday 4/10/08

Do not go in for the kill -- Allow her to leave the fight with dignity if you know you've won. Putting that finishing blow in the fight hurts in the long run.
Stay relevant -- Stick to the topic you're arguing about. Don't bring up unrelated issues. Women can beat you at the memory game, so keep past issues in the past, and stick to the disagreement.
Concentrate on the end-result -- Decide what you're arguing about, and what you hope to achieve by the end of it all. When you get there, end the argument.
Don't get personal -- Name calling and one-upmanship will not win you any Nobel peace prizes. Women take vulgarity directed at them to heart. Keep your cool.
Pick your fights -- When it's not worth it, keep it low-key, or just let it go. Every argument takes 20 minutes away from TV time.

From a Firefighter to his wife.......The fireman’s hero

The fireman’s hero
Sits at home alone,
Waiting for her hero to come home.
Her hero is always gone,
With worry and prayer .
She holds an empty bed at night,
She sits alone by an empty seat.
As she claps and cheers,
For their kids at a school auditorium,
each and every year.
She bakes the cakes filled with candles,
As she watches them burn and blow out,
Alone.
As holidays come and go,
She has no hand to hold,
No arms to hold her tight.
Delivering for him miracles of life,
She sacrifices for him,
Teaching, feeding, grooming, and living.
For his miracles, alone.
Putting her dreams, career, and hopes aside,
As she lives a different life, she did not plan,
She stands strong by his side.
I am no hero,
Without my hero.

HE IS A FIREMAN

HE IS A FIREMAN the guy next door - a man's man with the memory of a little boy. He has never gotten over the excitement of engines and sirens and danger.

He is a guy like you and me with wants and worries and unfulfilled dreams.

Yet hands taller than most of us.

He is a fireman.

He puts it all on the line when the bell rings.

A fireman is at once the most fortunate and the least fortunate of men.

He is a man who saves lives because he has seen too much death.

He is a gentle man because he has seen the awesome power of violence out of control.

He is responsive to a child's laughter because his arms have held too many small bodies that will never laugh again.

He is a man who appreciates the simple pleasures of life - hot coffee held in numb, unbending fingers - a warm bed for bone and muscle compelled beyond feeling - the camaraderie of brave men - the divine peace and selfless service of a job well done in the name of all men.

He doesn't wear buttons or wave flags or shout obscenities.

When he marches, it is to honor a fallen comrade.

He doesn't preach the brotherhood of man.

He lives it.

Author unknown

I BELIEVE

I Believe ...
That just because two people argue, it doesn't mean they don't love each other. And just because they don't argue, it doesn't mean they do love each other.

I Believe...
That we don't have to change friends if we understand that friends change.

I Believe .
That no matter how good a friend is, they're going to
hurt you every once in a while and you must forgive them for that.

I Believe....
That true friendship continues to grow, even over the longest distance. Same goes for true love.

I Believe ...
That you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

I Believe .....
That it's taking me a long time to become the person I want to be.

I Believe.....
That you should always leave loved ones with loving words. It may be the last time you see them.

I Believe ...
That you can keep going long after you think you can't.

I Believe ....
That we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

I believe ...
That either you control your attitude or it controls you.

I Believe ....
That heroes are the people who do what has to be done when it needs to be done, regardless of the consequences.

I Believe....
That money is a lousy way of keeping score.

I believe....
That my best friend and I can do anything or nothing and have the best time.

I Believe.....
That sometimes the people you expect to kick you when you're down, will be the ones to help you get back up.

I Believe.......
That sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel.

I Believe.....
That maturity has more to do with what types of
experiences you've had and what you've learned from them and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

I Believe.....
That it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others.
sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself.

I Believe......
That no matter how bad your heart is broken the world doesn't stop for your grief.

I Believe......
That our background and circumstances may have influenced who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

I Believe .....
That you shouldn't be so eager to find out a secret. It could change your life Forever.

I Believe ......
Two people can look at the exact same thing and see something totally different.

I Believe.......
That your life can be changed in a matter of hours by people who don't even know you.

I Believe......
That even when you think you have no more to give, when a friend cries out to you - you will find the strength to help.

I Believe......
That credentials on the wall do not make you a decent human being.

THE OPERATION

Surgeons from big cities are at a conference discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, "I like to see accountants on my operating table because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered." The second says, "Yeah, but you should try electricians. Everything inside them is color coded." The third surgeon says, "I really think librarians are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order." The fourth surgeon shuts them all up when he says, "You're all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There are no guts, no heart, no brains, and no spine. And the head the rear are interchangeable."

BEING A BETTER PARENT

From Readers Digest

First: Provide order and stability. Kids need a routine so they feel calm and reassured. A predictable daily schedule, clear rules, and an organized house make both you and your children more relaxed and comfortable. So when crises do occur, kids know there’s a part of life that won’t change. A calm bedtime routine is a good start.

Next: Hold family meetings. That way everyone knows they’ll have a certain time when they can talk about something that’s bothering them, or share good news. It’s also a good time to plan for the week ahead and avoid last minute anxiety over whether they have a ride to a music lesson or new soccer shoes for practice.

Another path to a happy household: Create rituals. Setting aside special times of the day or week to come together as a family gives kids a sense of continuity. Some families observe religious rituals while others make up their own, like pizza and Scrabble on Friday nights. Rituals give children things to look forward to.

Also: Parents should encourage loving feelings in their children. Studies have shown that parents who spend time playing, joking with, and sharing their own thoughts with their kids have children who are more friendly, generous, and loving. So, take time to just hang out together, and insist that children treat others with kindness and respect - especially their siblings.

And one more way to encourage a happy family: Schedule parent-only time. When you’re upset about bills, or you get angry you’re your spouse, you create an atmosphere that kids might find upsetting. So, take a long walk without the kids and schedule regular dates to help soothe your worries and recreate the love that brought you together in the first place. When you’re happy, you’ll be a much better parent to your children.

It Only Takes a Second

Author: Unknown

A few days ago I got a call from my old college mate whom I haven't seen for a very long time. The topic, which was about all the good old times that we had and about his recent graduation, changed to a touching story when he started talking about his father.

His father's declining health made him to stay at the hospital. Because of his illness, his father suffered from imsomnia and often talking to himself. My friend, who had not been able to sleep for a few days as he had to keep watch of his father's condition, became irritated and told his father to keep silence and try to get some sleep. His father said that he really wanted to sleep well because he was very tired and told my friend to leave him alone in the hospital if he did not want to keep him company.

After his father finished talking he fell unconscious and had to be rushed to the Intensive Care Unit (ICU). My friend was very sorry for he had spoken ill words towards his father.

My friend, whom I knew as a tough person, cried like a baby on the other end of the telephone. He said that from that moment on he prayed every day asking God to let his father woke up from his coma. He promised himself that whatever words came out from his father's mouth after he regained his conscious would be gladly taken. His only hope was for God to give him a chance to rectify his past mistake, a mistake that he might not forget for the rest of his life...

Often we complain when we have to accompany or to watch over our parents for years, months, days, hours or even minutes. But do we realize that our parents keep us companied and watch over us for as long as we (or they) live? Since the day we were born to our adulthood, and even when death comes to greet us, they are always at our side. When it's time for them to return to God, their memory lingers for the rest of our life.

Imagine how broken-hearted our parents will be to a seemingly inocent word of "no" which comes out from our mouth when they try to embrace us in their tender loving care, but which we often consider as something that bind us and hold us from flying the blue sky. What other words will replace the word "crying" when there are no more tears to shed from their eyes as the tears are wasted to shower our days so that our life would grow and produce fruits and flowers to liven up the dark days of the rotating wheel of life.

We can make promises to ourselves that from now on there will be no more complaints come out from our mouths when we have to watch and accompany our parents. No more complaints come out from our mouths when we feel that our parents have treated us like little children. Have faith, out there there are so many unlucky ones who have neither fathers nor mothers, who long to have the things that we most complain about, but never have them.

Actually, it takes only a second to contemplate and light the lamp that will bring us to where peace is dwelling. Now it's all up to us whether we want to spare our short time for a great and meaningful life ahead of our lives.

GETTING OLDER

(from BoomerBaby.com) Now that I am older, here's what I have discovered:



· I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

· My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

· I finally got my head together, now my body is falling apart.

· Funny, I don't remember being absent-minded...

· All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

· If all is not lost, where is it?

· It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

· Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

· I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few.

· Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

· Accidents in the back seat - cause kids.

· It's hard to make a comeback when you haven't been anywhere.

· Only time the world beats a path to your door is when you're in the bathroom.

· If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

· When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

· It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

· The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

· These days I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter... I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I'm here after.