Why are some people naturally happy? How can you acquire the ability to be happy? LHJ.com says that "Our habits do affect our happiness, and neuroscientists have recently discovered why. Habitual thoughts and behaviors create specific neural pathways in the wiring in our brains, the way water flowing downhill creates a groove in the earth. So how can we retrain our brain to be happy?
Notice the happy things in your life, no matter how small. When you decide to look for the positive, your RAS (reticular activating system, a group of cells at the base of the brain stem that's responsible for turning on your memory system and allowing it to bring anything important to your attention) makes sure that's what you see.
Choose the happier thought. The next time you're faced with a challenging situation that gives rise to negative thoughts and bad feelings, find an equally true thought about the situation that makes you feel better -- and lean into it.
Tend to your relationships. Scores of studies have demonstrated that having good social relationships is one of the strongest predictors of happiness.
Find passion and purpose. Bringing a sense of passion to mundane activities will boost your happiness, but so will taking the time to find your true passions. Think about what activities most absorb you and analyze what it is about those activities that makes you happy.
Friday, May 30, 2008
Thursday, May 29, 2008
LITTLE LEAGUE GAME
On my way home one day, I stopped to watch a Little League base ball game that was being played in a park near my home.
As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was
'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered with a smile. 'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you don't look very discouraged.
' 'Discouraged?', the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face...
'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet.'
As I sat down behind the bench on the first-base line, I asked one of the boys what the score was
'We're behind 14 to nothing,' he answered with a smile. 'Really,' I said. 'I have to say you don't look very discouraged.
' 'Discouraged?', the boy asked with a puzzled look on his face...
'Why should we be discouraged? We haven't been up to bat yet.'
THE TAXI AND THE GARBAGE TRUCK
One day I hopped in a taxi and we took off for the airport.
We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space
right in front of us.
My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed
the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around
and started yelling at us.
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy.
And I mean he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did
you just do that?
This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the
hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I
now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'
He explained that many people are like garbage trucks.
They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full
of anger, and full of disappointment.
As their garbage piles up, they need a place t o dump it
and sometimes they'll dump it on you.
Don't take it personally Just smile, wave, wish them
well, and move on.
Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people
at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is
that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over
their day.
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with
regrets, so.....love the people who treat you right.
Pray for the ones who don't.' Life is ten percent
what you make it and ninety percent how you take it.
We were driving in the right lane when suddenly a black car jumped out of a parking space
right in front of us.
My taxi driver slammed on his brakes, skidded, and missed
the other car by just inches!
The driver of the other car whipped his head around
and started yelling at us.
My taxi driver just smiled and waved at the guy.
And I mean he was really friendly. So I asked, 'Why did
you just do that?
This guy almost ruined your car and sent us to the
hospital!' This is when my taxi driver taught me what I
now call, 'The Law of the Garbage Truck.'
He explained that many people are like garbage trucks.
They run around full of garbage, full of frustration, full
of anger, and full of disappointment.
As their garbage piles up, they need a place t o dump it
and sometimes they'll dump it on you.
Don't take it personally Just smile, wave, wish them
well, and move on.
Don't take their garbage and spread it to other people
at work, at home, or on the streets. The bottom line is
that successful people do not let garbage trucks take over
their day.
Life's too short to wake up in the morning with
regrets, so.....love the people who treat you right.
Pray for the ones who don't.' Life is ten percent
what you make it and ninety percent how you take it.
THE COWBOY AND THE BLONDES
An old, blind cowboy wanders into an all-girl biker bar by mistake.
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde woman.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 1 75-pound blonde gal with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
He finds his way to a bar stool and orders some coffee. After sitting there for a while, he yells to the waiter, "Hey, you wanna hear a blonde joke?"
The bar immediately falls absolutely silent. In a very deep, husky voice, the woman next to him says, "Before you tell that joke, Cowboy, I think it is only fair, given that you are blind, that you should know five things:
1. The bartender is a blonde girl with a baseball bat.
2. The bouncer is a blonde woman.
3. I'm a 6-foot tall, 1 75-pound blonde gal with a black belt in karate.
4. The woman sitting next to me is blonde and a professional weightlifter.
5. The lady to your right is blonde and a professional wrestler.
"Now, think about it seriously, Mister. Do you still wanna tell that joke?"
The blind cowboy thinks for a second, shakes his head, and mutters, "No...not if I'm gonna have to explain it five times."
Thursday, May 22, 2008
The Buzzard, The Bat, and the Bumblebee
If you put a buzzard in a pen six or eight feet square and entirely open at the top, the bird, in spite of his ability to fly, will be an absolute prisoner. The reason is that a buzzard always begins a flight from the ground with a run of ten or twelve feet. Without space to run, as is his habit, he will not even attempt to fly, but will remain a prisoner for life in a small jail with no top.
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.
A Bumblebee if dropped into an open tumbler will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.
In many ways, there are lots of people like the buzzard, the bat and the bee. They are struggling about with all their problems and frustrations, not realizing that the answer is right there above them.
The ordinary bat that flies around at night, a remarkable nimble creature in the air, cannot take off from a level place. If it is placed on the floor or flat ground, all it can do is shuffle about helplessly and, no doubt, painfully, until it reaches some slight elevation from which it can throw itself into the air. Then, at once, it takes off like a flash.
A Bumblebee if dropped into an open tumbler will be there until it dies, unless it is taken out. It never sees the means of escape at the top, but persists in trying to find some way out through the sides near the bottom. It will seek a way where none exists, until it completely destroys itself.
In many ways, there are lots of people like the buzzard, the bat and the bee. They are struggling about with all their problems and frustrations, not realizing that the answer is right there above them.
Wednesday, May 21, 2008
FIVE LIES EVERY WOMAN TELLS
(from Askmen.com)
1. I'm not mad at you -- Oh, yes she is. In reality, she does care, very much so. What you should do: Save yourself some time and headaches later on by calling her on her real feelings and discussing why she's so angry.
2. I don't mind if you go to strip clubs with the boys -- If this one sounds too good to be true, that's because it is. What you should do: You're probably better off just not going.
3. I'm just not ready for a boyfriend right now -- The truth is, if the woman is single and at all interested in you, she will certainly make the time to date you. It's that simple. What you should do: Let it go. Don't bother letting her know that you see through it. Take the easy way out by pretending you believe her for your own personal dignity, and just walk away.
4. I don't mind picking up the tab tonight. You always pay anyway -- Although this lie doesn't apply to all women, most still do expect men to pay for things, especially if the man asked them out in the first place. They will secretly think that the guy is cheap if he wriggles out of the bill on a regular basis. What you should do: In the early, critical dating stages, don't risk looking cheap.
5. You're the best in bed -- Face it, women tell guys whatever they think they want to hear, just to make them feel good about themselves. What you should do: You shouldn't be asking her to rate her sexual experiences, period. That's just in poor taste.
1. I'm not mad at you -- Oh, yes she is. In reality, she does care, very much so. What you should do: Save yourself some time and headaches later on by calling her on her real feelings and discussing why she's so angry.
2. I don't mind if you go to strip clubs with the boys -- If this one sounds too good to be true, that's because it is. What you should do: You're probably better off just not going.
3. I'm just not ready for a boyfriend right now -- The truth is, if the woman is single and at all interested in you, she will certainly make the time to date you. It's that simple. What you should do: Let it go. Don't bother letting her know that you see through it. Take the easy way out by pretending you believe her for your own personal dignity, and just walk away.
4. I don't mind picking up the tab tonight. You always pay anyway -- Although this lie doesn't apply to all women, most still do expect men to pay for things, especially if the man asked them out in the first place. They will secretly think that the guy is cheap if he wriggles out of the bill on a regular basis. What you should do: In the early, critical dating stages, don't risk looking cheap.
5. You're the best in bed -- Face it, women tell guys whatever they think they want to hear, just to make them feel good about themselves. What you should do: You shouldn't be asking her to rate her sexual experiences, period. That's just in poor taste.
Tuesday, May 20, 2008
HAVING KIDS
Jake is telling John that he and his wife are talking about having their first child. Jake says, "That's awesome, but the wife and I won't be having kids any time soon." John says, "What's up? She can't conceive?" Jake replies, "Nope, we took part in an effective form of birth control over the weekend. We went to a family reunion."
Growing Good Corn
Author: Unknown
James Bender, in his book How to Talk Well (New York: McGraw-Hill Book Company, Inc., 1994) relates the story of a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won a blue ribbon. One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it.
The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors. "How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.
"Why sir," said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn."
He is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves.
So it is in other dimensions. Those who choose to be at peace must help their neighbors to be at peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.
The lesson for each of us is this: if we are to grow good corn, we must help our neighbors grow good corn.
James Bender, in his book How to Talk Well (New York: McGraw-Hill Book Company, Inc., 1994) relates the story of a farmer who grew award-winning corn. Each year he entered his corn in the state fair where it won a blue ribbon. One year a newspaper reporter interviewed him and learned something interesting about how he grew it.
The reporter discovered that the farmer shared his seed corn with his neighbors. "How can you afford to share your best seed corn with your neighbors when they are entering corn in competition with yours each year?" the reporter asked.
"Why sir," said the farmer, "didn't you know? The wind picks up pollen from the ripening corn and swirls it from field to field. If my neighbors grow inferior corn, cross-pollination will steadily degrade the quality of my corn. If I am to grow good corn, I must help my neighbors grow good corn."
He is very much aware of the connectedness of life. His corn cannot improve unless his neighbor's corn also improves.
So it is in other dimensions. Those who choose to be at peace must help their neighbors to be at peace. Those who choose to live well must help others to live well, for the value of a life is measured by the lives it touches. And those who choose to be happy must help others to find happiness, for the welfare of each is bound up with the welfare of all.
The lesson for each of us is this: if we are to grow good corn, we must help our neighbors grow good corn.
Friday, May 16, 2008
A Place To Stand
Author: Dr. Charles Garfield
If you have ever gone through a toll booth, you know that your relationship to the person in the booth is not the most intimate you'll ever have. It is one of life's frequent non-encounters: You hand over some money; you might get change; you drive off. I have been through every one of the 17 toll booths on the Oakland-San Francisco Bay Bridge on thousands of occasions, and never had an exchange worth remembering with anybody.
Late one morning in 1984, headed for lunch in San Francisco, I drove toward one of the booths. I heard loud music. It sounded like a party, or a Michael Jackson concert. I looked around. No other cars with their windows open. No sound trucks. I looked at the toll booth. Inside it, the man was dancing.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm having a party," he said.
"What about the rest of these people?" I looked over at other booths; nothing moving there.
"They're not invited."
I had a dozen other questions for him, but somebody in a big hurry to get somewhere started punching his horn behind me and I drove off. But I made a note to myself: Find this guy again. There's something in his eye that says there's magic in his toll booth.
Months later I did find him again, still with the loud music, still having a party.
Again I asked, "What are you doing?"
He said, "I remember you from the last time. I'm still dancing. I'm having the same party."
I said, "Look. What about the rest of the people."
He said. "Stop. What do those look like to you?" He pointed down the row of toll booths.
"They look like toll booths."
"Noooo imagination!"
I said, "Okay, I give up. What do they look like to you?"
He said, "Vertical coffins."
"What are you talking about?"
"I can prove it. At 8:30 every morning, live people get in. Then they die for eight hours. At 4:30, like Lazarus from the dead, they reemerge and go home. For eight hours, brain is on hold, dead on the job. Going through the motions."
I was amazed. This guy had developed a philosophy, a mythology about his job. I could not help asking the next question: "Why is it different for you? You're having a good time."
He looked at me. "I knew you were going to ask that," he said. "I'm going to be a dancer someday." He pointed to the administration building. "My bosses are in there, and they're paying for my training."
Sixteen people dead on the job, and the seventeenth, in precisely the same situation, figures out a way to live. That man was having a party where you and I would probably not last three days. The boredom! He and I did have lunch later, and he said, "I don't understand why anybody would think my job is boring. I have a corner office, glass on all sides. I can see the Golden Gate, San Francisco, the Berkeley hills; half the Western world vacations here and I just stroll in every day and practice dancing.
Abraham Lincoln said, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." I would
If you have ever gone through a toll booth, you know that your relationship to the person in the booth is not the most intimate you'll ever have. It is one of life's frequent non-encounters: You hand over some money; you might get change; you drive off. I have been through every one of the 17 toll booths on the Oakland-San Francisco Bay Bridge on thousands of occasions, and never had an exchange worth remembering with anybody.
Late one morning in 1984, headed for lunch in San Francisco, I drove toward one of the booths. I heard loud music. It sounded like a party, or a Michael Jackson concert. I looked around. No other cars with their windows open. No sound trucks. I looked at the toll booth. Inside it, the man was dancing.
"What are you doing?" I asked.
"I'm having a party," he said.
"What about the rest of these people?" I looked over at other booths; nothing moving there.
"They're not invited."
I had a dozen other questions for him, but somebody in a big hurry to get somewhere started punching his horn behind me and I drove off. But I made a note to myself: Find this guy again. There's something in his eye that says there's magic in his toll booth.
Months later I did find him again, still with the loud music, still having a party.
Again I asked, "What are you doing?"
He said, "I remember you from the last time. I'm still dancing. I'm having the same party."
I said, "Look. What about the rest of the people."
He said. "Stop. What do those look like to you?" He pointed down the row of toll booths.
"They look like toll booths."
"Noooo imagination!"
I said, "Okay, I give up. What do they look like to you?"
He said, "Vertical coffins."
"What are you talking about?"
"I can prove it. At 8:30 every morning, live people get in. Then they die for eight hours. At 4:30, like Lazarus from the dead, they reemerge and go home. For eight hours, brain is on hold, dead on the job. Going through the motions."
I was amazed. This guy had developed a philosophy, a mythology about his job. I could not help asking the next question: "Why is it different for you? You're having a good time."
He looked at me. "I knew you were going to ask that," he said. "I'm going to be a dancer someday." He pointed to the administration building. "My bosses are in there, and they're paying for my training."
Sixteen people dead on the job, and the seventeenth, in precisely the same situation, figures out a way to live. That man was having a party where you and I would probably not last three days. The boredom! He and I did have lunch later, and he said, "I don't understand why anybody would think my job is boring. I have a corner office, glass on all sides. I can see the Golden Gate, San Francisco, the Berkeley hills; half the Western world vacations here and I just stroll in every day and practice dancing.
Abraham Lincoln said, "Most people are about as happy as they make up their minds to be." I would
Thursday, May 15, 2008
Genealogy
A little girl asked her mother, 'How did the human race appear?' The mother answered, 'God made Adam and Eve and they had children, and so was all mankind made.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'
Two days later the girl asked her father the same question. The father answered, 'Many years ago there were monkeys from which the human race evolved.'
The confused girl returned to her mother and said, 'Mom, how is it possible that you told me the human race was created by God, and Dad said they developed from monkeys?'
The mother answered, 'Well, dear, it is very simple. I told you about my side of the family, and your father told you about his.'
Wednesday, May 14, 2008
FROM THE MOUTH OF A BOY
(thanks to Bob and Shelly Hoff for sending this Wake Up Call)
An eye witness account from New York City, on a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold.
A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'
'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes' was the boy's reply.
The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half of a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.
She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.
By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes.
She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now'
As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her.
'Are you God's wife?'
An eye witness account from New York City, on a cold day in December, some years ago: A little boy, about 10-years-old, was standing before a shoe store on the roadway, barefooted, peering through the window, and shivering with cold.
A lady approached the young boy and said, 'My, but you're in such deep thought staring in that window!'
'I was asking God to give me a pair of shoes' was the boy's reply.
The lady took him by the hand, went into the store, and asked the clerk to get half of a dozen pairs of socks for the boy. She then asked if he could give her a basin of water and a towel. He quickly brought them to her.
She took the little fellow to the back part of the store and, removing her gloves, knelt down, washed his little feet, and dried them with the towel.
By this time, the clerk had returned with the socks. Placing a pair upon the boy's feet, she purchased him a pair of shoes.
She tied up the remaining pairs of socks and gave them to him. She patted him on the head and said, 'No doubt, you will be more comfortable now'
As she turned to go, the astonished kid caught her by the hand, and looking up into her face, with tears in his eyes, asked her.
'Are you God's wife?'
Tuesday, May 13, 2008
SOME THINGS YOU DIDN 'T KNOW YESTERDAY
• Consumers today encounter from 3,500 to 5,000 marketing messages per day, vs. 500 to 2,000 in the 1970s.
• About 157,000 American fathers -- less than 1 percent of all dads -- have elected to stay home and care for the kids full time.
• Fifty-five percent of men ages 18 to 24 have returned to the nest to live with their parents, as have 47 percent of women.
• One out of every three music CDs sold worldwide last year was pirated. Stolen recordings outsold legal ones in 31 countries.
• Eighty percent of college juniors and seniors claim they know how to take care of their money after they graduate. But 32 percent of them have missed a credit card payment and nearly a quarter have bounced a check.
• Sharks get the headlines, but Bambi is the real killer. Shark attacks killed 11 in the United States in 1990-2004, while car-deer collisions kill an average of 130 a year. Wasps and bees kill nearly 50 Americans each year.
• About 157,000 American fathers -- less than 1 percent of all dads -- have elected to stay home and care for the kids full time.
• Fifty-five percent of men ages 18 to 24 have returned to the nest to live with their parents, as have 47 percent of women.
• One out of every three music CDs sold worldwide last year was pirated. Stolen recordings outsold legal ones in 31 countries.
• Eighty percent of college juniors and seniors claim they know how to take care of their money after they graduate. But 32 percent of them have missed a credit card payment and nearly a quarter have bounced a check.
• Sharks get the headlines, but Bambi is the real killer. Shark attacks killed 11 in the United States in 1990-2004, while car-deer collisions kill an average of 130 a year. Wasps and bees kill nearly 50 Americans each year.
Monday, May 12, 2008
TOO MUCH GOING ON
(Thanks to Hank for sending this)
A friend recently sent me the following in an e-mail.
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.-
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye -- they need water.
I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail...
A friend recently sent me the following in an e-mail.
Recently, I was diagnosed with A.A.A.D.D.-
Age Activated Attention Deficit Disorder.
This is how it manifests:
I decide to water my garden.
As I turn on the hose in the driveway, I look over at my car and decide it needs washing.
As I start toward the garage, I notice mail on the porch table that I brought up from the mail box earlier.
I decide to go through the mail before I wash the car.
I lay my car keys on the table, put the junk mail in the garbage can under the table, and notice that the can is full.
So, I decide to put the bills back on the table and take out the garbage first.
But then I think, since I'm going to be near the mailbox when I take out the garbage anyway, I may as well pay the bills first.
I take my check book off the table, and see that there is only one check left.
My extra checks are in my desk in the study, so I go inside the house to my desk where I find the can of Coke I'd been drinking.
I'm going to look for my checks, but first I need to push the Coke aside so that I don't accidentally knock it over.
The Coke is getting warm, and I decide to put it in the refrigerator to keep it cold.
As I head toward the kitchen with the Coke, a vase of flowers on the counter catches my eye -- they need water.
I put the Coke on the counter and discover my reading glasses that I've been searching for all morning.
I decide I better put them back on my desk, but first I'm going to water the flowers.
I set the glasses back down on the counter, fill a container with water and suddenly spot the TV remote. Someone left it on the kitchen table.
I realize that tonight when we go to watch TV,
I'll be looking for the remote, but I won't remember that it's on the kitchen table, so I decide to put it back in the den where it belongs,
but first I'll water the flowers.
I pour some water in the flowers, but quite a bit of it spills on the floor.
So, I set the remote back on the table, get some towels and wipe up the spill.
Then, I head down the hall trying to remember what I was planning to do.
At the end of the day:
the car isn't washed
the bills aren't paid
there is a warm can of Coke sitting on the counter
the flowers don't have enough water,
there is still only 1 check in my check book,
I can't find the remote,
I can't find my glasses,
and I don't remember what I did with the car keys.
Then, when I try to figure out why nothing got done today, I'm really baffled because I know I was busy all damn day, and I'm really tired.
I realize this is a serious problem, and I'll try to get some help for it, but first I'll check my e-mail...
REASONS I OWE MY MOTHER
Submitted by Barbara Ritsch
. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'
My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'
My mother taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'
My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'
My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'
. My mother taught me TO APPRECIATE A JOB WELL DONE .
'If you're going to kill each other, do it outside. I just finished cleaning.'
My mother taught me RELIGION.
'You better pray that will come out of the carpet.'
My mother taught me LOGIC.
' Because I said so, that's why.'
My mother taught me about CONTORTIONISM.
'Will you look at that dirt on the back of your neck!'
My mother taught me about RECEIVING .
'You are going to get it when you get home!'
My mother taught me MEDICAL SCIENCE.
'If you don't stop crossing your eyes, they are going to freeze that way.'
My mother taught me GENETICS.
'You're just like your father.'
EASY WAYS TO GET WHAT YOU WANT
Do you ever find yourself saying "I’d be so much happier if only I could..." Well, time to stop wishing and start taking action! Here’s how to get what you want. From Woman’s World magazine.
To get your dream job -- Be Mr. Nice Guy. According to research from the University of Washington, making nice with a potential employer will win you more points than boasting about your qualifications. In this study, job interviewers gave the applicants who flattered them and said nice things about the company higher ratings than applicants flaunting their skills. Flattery made the interviewers think the job seekers shared their beliefs and attitudes -- making them a better fit.
To attract the man of your dreams -- Stand in the center of the room! Research shows that when the same woman stands in various places in a crowded room, she’s most likely to be approached in the center. Why? Because it projects the image that you’re popular -- which is something potential partners subconsciously look for.
To make more money -- Tell your boss you work out! It makes people think you’re smarter and better at your job! In a McMaster University study, exercisers were rated as more intelligent, hardworking and in control.
To start losing weight: Have a V8 -- or a bowl of vegetable soup -- about 20 minutes before your main course. Penn State University studies found that by doing that, you’ll cut the calories you consume during the entire meal by one-fourth.As the liquid is being digested, it activates your stomach’s stretch receptors, sending “I feel satisfied” signals to your brain.
To get your dream job -- Be Mr. Nice Guy. According to research from the University of Washington, making nice with a potential employer will win you more points than boasting about your qualifications. In this study, job interviewers gave the applicants who flattered them and said nice things about the company higher ratings than applicants flaunting their skills. Flattery made the interviewers think the job seekers shared their beliefs and attitudes -- making them a better fit.
To attract the man of your dreams -- Stand in the center of the room! Research shows that when the same woman stands in various places in a crowded room, she’s most likely to be approached in the center. Why? Because it projects the image that you’re popular -- which is something potential partners subconsciously look for.
To make more money -- Tell your boss you work out! It makes people think you’re smarter and better at your job! In a McMaster University study, exercisers were rated as more intelligent, hardworking and in control.
To start losing weight: Have a V8 -- or a bowl of vegetable soup -- about 20 minutes before your main course. Penn State University studies found that by doing that, you’ll cut the calories you consume during the entire meal by one-fourth.As the liquid is being digested, it activates your stomach’s stretch receptors, sending “I feel satisfied” signals to your brain.
Thursday, May 8, 2008
EASY WAYS TO GET WHAT YOU WANT
Do you ever find yourself saying "I’d be so much happier if only I could..." Well, time to stop wishing and start taking action! Here’s how to get what you want. From Woman’s World magazine.
To get your dream job -- Be Mr. Nice Guy. According to research from the University of Washington, making nice with a potential employer will win you more points than boasting about your qualifications. In this study, job interviewers gave the applicants who flattered them and said nice things about the company higher ratings than applicants flaunting their skills. Flattery made the interviewers think the job seekers shared their beliefs and attitudes -- making them a better fit.
To attract the man of your dreams -- Stand in the center of the room! Research shows that when the same woman stands in various places in a crowded room, she’s most likely to be approached in the center. Why? Because it projects the image that you’re popular -- which is something potential partners subconsciously look for.
To make more money -- Tell your boss you work out! It makes people think you’re smarter and better at your job! In a McMaster University study, exercisers were rated as more intelligent, hardworking and in control.
To start losing weight: Have a V8 -- or a bowl of vegetable soup -- about 20 minutes before your main course. Penn State University studies found that by doing that, you’ll cut the calories you consume during the entire meal by one-fourth.As the liquid is being digested, it activates your stomach’s stretch receptors, sending “I feel satisfied” signals to your brain.
To get your dream job -- Be Mr. Nice Guy. According to research from the University of Washington, making nice with a potential employer will win you more points than boasting about your qualifications. In this study, job interviewers gave the applicants who flattered them and said nice things about the company higher ratings than applicants flaunting their skills. Flattery made the interviewers think the job seekers shared their beliefs and attitudes -- making them a better fit.
To attract the man of your dreams -- Stand in the center of the room! Research shows that when the same woman stands in various places in a crowded room, she’s most likely to be approached in the center. Why? Because it projects the image that you’re popular -- which is something potential partners subconsciously look for.
To make more money -- Tell your boss you work out! It makes people think you’re smarter and better at your job! In a McMaster University study, exercisers were rated as more intelligent, hardworking and in control.
To start losing weight: Have a V8 -- or a bowl of vegetable soup -- about 20 minutes before your main course. Penn State University studies found that by doing that, you’ll cut the calories you consume during the entire meal by one-fourth.As the liquid is being digested, it activates your stomach’s stretch receptors, sending “I feel satisfied” signals to your brain.
THREE THINGS WOMEN CAN LEARN FROM MEN
Sometimes male insight IS worth listening to. Three tips for the ladies:
[1] If your relationship is sinking -- abandon ship! You often want to fix a relationship long after its expiration date. Or you specifically pick a guy who you think is a “fixer-upper” and try to change him or fix him. Guys, on the other hand, will do a swift, unemotional cost-benefit analysis and hit the road if things aren’t going well. Just because you’re a great woman, and he’s a great man -- that doesn’t mean you’re each other’s great match. So, learn to cut someone loose and move on when the situation warrants it.
[2] You don’t need to talk everything to death. Those long, weighty relationship talks on Grey’s Anatomy are one reason the show is watched by 3 billion women and 3 men. The truth is all of the energy gets depleted from your relationship when you have the 73rd conversation about why you feel hurt when he doesn’t return your text messages right away. Save your energy for what really matters. If it’s not a “deal-breaker” don’t make it one.
[3] Sometimes it’s fine to be silent. Everyone dreads those conversational voids that can happen during the first few dates. You’re both looking around the room, desperate for a topic once the introductory chit chat has run out. You feel the urge to say something - ANYTHING! Words can often blur a connection that can be made with a single look. Plus, if you don’t stop talking long enough to listen, you’re never going to get the chance to know him. So smile - and learn to enjoy the occasional silence.
[1] If your relationship is sinking -- abandon ship! You often want to fix a relationship long after its expiration date. Or you specifically pick a guy who you think is a “fixer-upper” and try to change him or fix him. Guys, on the other hand, will do a swift, unemotional cost-benefit analysis and hit the road if things aren’t going well. Just because you’re a great woman, and he’s a great man -- that doesn’t mean you’re each other’s great match. So, learn to cut someone loose and move on when the situation warrants it.
[2] You don’t need to talk everything to death. Those long, weighty relationship talks on Grey’s Anatomy are one reason the show is watched by 3 billion women and 3 men. The truth is all of the energy gets depleted from your relationship when you have the 73rd conversation about why you feel hurt when he doesn’t return your text messages right away. Save your energy for what really matters. If it’s not a “deal-breaker” don’t make it one.
[3] Sometimes it’s fine to be silent. Everyone dreads those conversational voids that can happen during the first few dates. You’re both looking around the room, desperate for a topic once the introductory chit chat has run out. You feel the urge to say something - ANYTHING! Words can often blur a connection that can be made with a single look. Plus, if you don’t stop talking long enough to listen, you’re never going to get the chance to know him. So smile - and learn to enjoy the occasional silence.
Tuesday, May 6, 2008
Gifts for mother
Three sons left home, went out on their own and prospered. They discussed the gifts they were able to give their elderly mother. The first son said: "I built a big house for our mother" The second son said: "I sent Mom a Mercedes with a driver." The third son said: "You remember how our mother enjoys reading the Bible. Now she can't see very well. So I sent her a remarkable parrot that recites the entire Bible. The Elders at the church spent twelve years to teach him. Mama just has to name the chapter and the verse and the parrot recites it."
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks. "William," she wrote, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Arnold, she said, "I am too old to
travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. That driver is so rude, he is a pain!"........ But David," she said, "the chicken was delicious"
Soon thereafter, their mother sent out her letters of thanks. "William," she wrote, "the house you built is so huge. I live in only one room, but I have to clean the whole house." "Arnold, she said, "I am too old to
travel. I stay most of the time at home so I rarely use the Mercedes. That driver is so rude, he is a pain!"........ But David," she said, "the chicken was delicious"
Monday, May 5, 2008
God's Kiss
Author: Lynda
My daughter (now 18) was born with a hemangioma tumor by her eye. At first it was small, and hardly noticeable. At five months, the size of a nickel. Everytime I took her out, people could not hold their comments to themselves. "Who hit her?", "Is that a bug bite?" I never could think of an appropriate response for these people. I was taught to be kind and understanding, and assumed that other people had been taught these attributes. One day I was at the mall, with my 3-year-old son, my daughter, and at this time pregnant with my third child. A woman approached me, I thought here we go again.
She said that God must not have wanted my daughter to leave Him, as he left her with a kiss. She went on to say that babies with these kisses were always surrounded by angels. I was stunned. What a kinder, more loving approach to someone with a problem. My daughter will graduate this year from High School. She is beautiful. Her early years were spent in and out of doctors. Finally the tumor was removed, because it blocked her vision. It is not noticeable except in the bright sun. She spent this year as the dance sterling scholar for our school. She danced for 4 years on our dance/drill team. She had received many scholarships. Her life is wonderful. The woman in the mall made me a better parent. Perhaps, this story will help make someone else a better parent, too.
My daughter (now 18) was born with a hemangioma tumor by her eye. At first it was small, and hardly noticeable. At five months, the size of a nickel. Everytime I took her out, people could not hold their comments to themselves. "Who hit her?", "Is that a bug bite?" I never could think of an appropriate response for these people. I was taught to be kind and understanding, and assumed that other people had been taught these attributes. One day I was at the mall, with my 3-year-old son, my daughter, and at this time pregnant with my third child. A woman approached me, I thought here we go again.
She said that God must not have wanted my daughter to leave Him, as he left her with a kiss. She went on to say that babies with these kisses were always surrounded by angels. I was stunned. What a kinder, more loving approach to someone with a problem. My daughter will graduate this year from High School. She is beautiful. Her early years were spent in and out of doctors. Finally the tumor was removed, because it blocked her vision. It is not noticeable except in the bright sun. She spent this year as the dance sterling scholar for our school. She danced for 4 years on our dance/drill team. She had received many scholarships. Her life is wonderful. The woman in the mall made me a better parent. Perhaps, this story will help make someone else a better parent, too.
Friday, May 2, 2008
DEAR DOCTOR:
Submitted by Karen Hoplight
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q
And.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
Q: I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life; is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.
Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.
Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!
Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.
Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!
Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! .... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?
Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.
Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.
Q
And.....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
CONCLUSION:
Eat and drink what you like.
Speaking English is apparently what kills you.
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