"The Wolves Within"

An old Grandfather, whose grandson came to him with anger at a schoolmate who had done him an injustice, said, "Let me tell you a story. I too, at times, have felt a great hate for those that have taken so much, with no sorrow for what they do. But hate wears you down, and does not hurt your enemy. It is like taking poison and wishing your enemy would die. I have struggled with these feelings many times."

He continued, "It is as if there are two wolves inside me; one is good and does no harm. He lives in harmony with all around him and does not take offense when no offense was intended. He will only fight when it is right to do so, and in the right way."

"But the other wolf, ah! He is full of anger. The littlest thing will set him into a fit of temper. He fights everyone, all the time, for no reason. He cannot think because his anger and hate are so great. It is hard to live with these two wolves inside me, for both of them try to dominate my spirit."

The boy looked intently into his Grandfather's eye and asked, "Which one wins, Grandfather?"

The Grandfather solemnly said, "The one I feed."

THE RIGHT CHICKEN

The US Federal Aviation Administration has a unique device for testing the strength of windshields on airplanes. The device is a gun that launches a dead chicken at a plane's windshield at approximately the speed the plane flies. The theory is that if the windshield doesn't crack from the carcass impact, it'll survive a real collision with a bird during
flight. It seems the British were very interested in this and wanted to test a windshield on a brand new, speedy locomotive they're developing. They borrowed FAA's chicken launcher, loaded the chicken and fired. The ballistic chicken shattered the windshield, broke the engineer's chair and embedded itself in the back wall of the engine's cab. The British were stunned and asked the FAA to recheck the test to see if everything was done correctly. The FAA reviewed the test thoroughly and had one recommendation: Use a thawed chicken.

No Different

Author: Shel Silverstein


Small as a peanut,
Big as a giant,
We're all the same size
When we turn off the light.

Rich as a sultan,
Poor as a mite,
We're all worth the same
When we turn off the light.

Red, black or orange,
Yellow or white,
We all look the same
When we turn off the light.

So maybe the way
To make everything right
Is for God to just reach out
And turn off the light!

POSITIVE STORY

Sometimes people under estimate the power of positive thinking. You can use motivation and positive thinking to help achieve anything that you would like to achieve. Your goal could be losing weight, buying a house, get a new job, or anything you decide.

Here is an example of a positive thinking story. There was a guy named Joe who worked for a company and was trying to use that money to pay his bills and pay his way for post secondary education. Unfortunately one day something not too pleasant happened, he got fired from his job and he did not exactly know what the reason was.

However one day he found out that it was not that he was doing anything bad it is just that the company had to lay off a number of people and he happened to be one of them. After hearing this he was quite depressed however he was reading some positive thinking books which helped him change the way that he was feeling about his situation.

He realized that the job gave him good experience and something beneficial that he could add to his resume. He was motivated to find another job this time something that he knew would be permanent and maybe benefit him even more then the other one did. The best thing that happened to him was that within three weeks the job called him back to offer him a permanent position within the company.


This was definitely something positive. Sometimes you must realize that even though something bad happens in your life something positive is sure to follow if you stay positive. Remember that many people cruise through life not having a clue about what they want, and just simply react to what comes along, they either choose to accept it or reject it. It is up to you to choose what you want to do.

MARTHA STEWART VS REAL WORLD

Martha's Way
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a sugar cone to prevent ice cream drips.


REAL WORLD WAY
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!

To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix , keep it in the pantry for up to a year.

When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.

If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant "fix-me-up."
If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto: "I made it and you will eat it and I don't care how bad it tastes!"

Wrap celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
Celery? Never heard of it!

Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.

Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!

If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
Go ask that very cute neighbor if he can open it for you.

Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
Leftover wine???????????
HELLO !!!!!!!

Pastor's Business Card

A new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners.
At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came
to his repeated knocks at the door.

Therefore, he took out a business card and wrote 'Revelation 3:20' on the
back of it and stuck it in the door.

When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card
had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, 'Genesis 3:10.'

Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of
laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins 'Behold, I stand at the door and knock.'
Genesis 3:10 reads, 'I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I
was naked.'

Making Dreams Come True

By Bettina R. Flores
From "Chiquita's Cocoon

As a child picking grapes, I say that although we worked hard, we never really got anywhere. Finishing one crop meant starting another. We were so busy working hard, bent and stooped over, it never occurred to us to stand up straight and look around for better opportunities. By settling for the first job we found, we eliminated any chance for better ones. Had we used our minds more and our backs less, we would have had many more opportunities available to us.

What a pity.

I was fortunate. I used my hot years under the grapevines to dream and picture. My self-conversations went like this: "I hate the heat and this dirty work. When I get older I'm going to work in an air-conditioned office and live in a big, cool house. I'm going to go to school and study so I won't have to work in the fields all my life. I'm going to marry a kind, generous man. He'll be an elegant dresser and have a briefcase."

Would you believe I married exactly such a man, who later became an attorney and turned out to be a clotheshorse? We get what we picture. Throughout my life, the many pictures I have held steady in my mind have materialized. They can and will for your, too.

MARRIAGE

With no warning and clear out of the blue, a husband said to his wife, "Honey, I have invited a friend home for supper tonight." His wife replied, "What? Are you crazy? The house is a mess, I didn't have time to go shopping, all the dishes are dirty, and I don't feel like cooking a fancy meal tonight!" The husband said, "I know all that." "Then why in the world did you invite your friend for supper tonight?" asked the wife. The guy answered, "Because the poor fool is thinking about getting married."

Brownies

Many parents are hard pressed to explain to their youth why some music, movies, books, and magazines are not acceptable material for them to bring into the home or to listen to or see.

One parent came up with an original idea that is hard to refute. The father listened to all the reasons his children gave for wanting to see a particular "R" Rated movie. It had their favorite actors. Everyone else was seeing it. Even church members said it was great. It was only rated "R" because of the suggestion of sex...they never really showed it. The language was pretty good...the Lord's name was only used in vain three times in the whole movie. The teens did admit there was a scene where a building and a bunch of people were blown up, but the violence was just the normal stuff. It wasn't too bad.

Even if there were a few minor things, the special effects were fabulous and the plot was action packed. However, even with all the justifications the teens made for the "R" rating, the father still wouldn't give in. He didn't even give his children a satisfactory explanation for saying, "No." He just said, "No!"

A little later on that evening the father asked his teens if they would like some brownies he had baked. He explained that he'd taken the family's favorite recipe and added a little something new. The children asked what it was. The father calmly replied that he had added dog poop.

However, he quickly assured them, it was only a little bit. All other ingredients were gourmet quality and he had taken great care to bake the brownies at the precise temperature for the exact time. He was sure the brownies would be superb.

Even with their father's promise that the brownies were of almost perfect quality, the teens would not take any. The father acted surprised. After all, it was only one small part that was causing them to be so stubborn. He was certain they would hardly notice it. Still the teens held firm and would not try the brownies.

The father then told his children how the movie they wanted to see was just like the brownies. Our minds are tricking us into believing that just a little bit of evil won't matter. But, the truth is even a little bit of poop makes the difference between a great treat and something disgusting and totally unacceptable. The father went on to explain that even though the movie industry would have us believe that most of today's movies are acceptable fare for adults and youth, they are not.

Now when this father's children want to do something or see something they should not, the father merely asks them if they would like some of his special brownies . . . and they never ask about that activity again.

The I Can't Funeral

Donna's fourth grade classroom looked like many others I had seen in the past. The teacher's desk was in front and faced the students. The bulletin board featured student work. In most respects it appeared to be a typically traditional elementary classroom. Yet something seemed different that day I entered it for the first time.

My job was to make classroom visitations and encourage implementation of a training program that focused on language arts ideas that would empower students to feel good about themselves and take charge of their lives. Donna was one of the volunteer teachers who participated in this project.

I took an empty seat in the back of the room and watched. All the students were working on a task, filling a sheet of notebook paper with thoughts and ideas. The ten-year-old student next to me was filling her page with "I Can'ts". "I can't kick the soccer ball past second base." "I can't do long division with more than three numerals." "I can't get Debbie to like me." Her page was half full and she showed no signs of letting up. She worked on with determination and persistence. I walked down the row glancing at student's papers. Everyone was writing sentences, describing things they couldn't do.

By this time the activity engaged my curiosity, so I decided to check with the teacher to see what was going on but I noticed she too was busy writing. I felt it best not to interrupt. "I can't get John's mother to come for a teacher conference." "I can't get my daughter to put gas in the car." "I can't get Alan to use words instead of fists."

Thwarted in my efforts to determine why students and teacher were dwelling on the negative instead of writing the more positive "I Can" statements, I returned to my seat and continued my observations.

Students wrote for another ten minutes. They were then instructed to fold the papers in half and bring them to the front. They placed their "I Can't" statements into an empty shoe box. Then Donna added hers. She put the lid on the box, tucked it under her arm and headed out the door and down the hall.

Students followed the teacher. I followed the students. Halfway down the hallway Donna entered the custodian's room, rummaged around and came out with a shovel. Shovel in one hand, shoe box in the other, Donna marched the students out to the school to the farthest corner of the playground. There they began to dig. They were going to bury their "I Can'ts"!

The digging took over ten minutes because most of the fourth graders wanted a turn. The box of "I Can'ts" was placed in a position at the bottom of the hole and then quickly covered with dirt. Thirty-one 10 and 11 year-olds stood around the freshly dug grave site. At this point Donna announced, "Boys and girls, please join hands and bow your heads." They quickly formed a circle around the grave, creating a bond with their hands.

They lowered their heads and waited. Donna delivered the eulogy.

"Friends, we gathered here today to honor the memory of 'I Can't.' While he was with us here on earth, he touched the lives or everyone, some more than others. We have provided 'I Can't' with a final resting place and a headstone that contains his epitaph. His is survived by his brothers and sisters, 'I Can', 'I Will', and 'I'm Going to Right Away'. They are not as well known as their famous relative and are certainly not as strong and powerful yet. Perhaps some day, with your help, they will make an even bigger mark on the world. May 'I Can't' rest in peace and may everyone present pick up their lives and move forward in his absence. Amen."

As I listened I realized that these students would never forget this day. Writing "I Can'ts", burying them and hearing the eulogy. That was a major effort on this part of the teacher. And she wasn't done yet.

She turned the students around, marched them back into the classroom and held a wake. They celebrated the passing of "I Can't" with cookies, popcorn and fruit juices. As part of the celebration, Donna cut a large tombstone from butcher paper. She wrote the words "I Can't" at the top and put RIP in the middle. The date was added at the bottom. The paper tombstone hung in Donna's classroom for the remainder of the year.

On those rare occasions when a student forgot and said, "I Can't", Donna simply pointed to the RIP sign. The student then remembered that "I Can't" was dead and chose to rephrase the statement. I wasn't one of Donna's students. She was one of mine. Yet that day I learned an enduring lesson from her as years later, I still envision that fourth grade class laying to rest, "I Can't".

THE COWBOY AND THE CONGRESSMAN

Thanks to “Hank” for sending this is


A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in California when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him.

The driver, a young man in a Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out the window and asks the cowboy, “If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,

Will you give me a calf?”



Bud looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully

grazing herd and calmly answers, “Sure, Why not?”



The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer, connects it to his cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg , Germany.



Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.



Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-Tech Miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to the cowboy and says, “You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves.”



”That's right,” Bud replies. “Well, I guess you can take one of my calves.”



He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car. Then Bud says to the young man, “Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?”



The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, “Okay, why not?”



“You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government,” says Bud.



”Wow! That's correct,” says the yuppie, “but how did you guess that?”



“No guessing required.” answered the cowboy. “You showed up here even though nobody called you, you want to get paid for an answer I already knew to a question I never asked, you tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about cows...this is a Herd of sheep.



Now give me back my dog.”

E MAIL TIPS

From Tim Sanders, author of The Likeability Factor

Face it—we can turn email into our greatest liability instead of our best tool.


We fire off nasty grams and duck for cover. We irritate people in our life with emails they don’t want to receive from us. As I say in my lectures, being emotionally attractive is mostly about what you DON’T do – not what you do to ‘get people to like you’.


Here’s a short list of five things not to do with email.

1. Don’t use email to give bad news. At Yahoo!, I always told my folks, “Email is for saying yes and for exchanging information. If you want to say no, criticize or get into an emotionally charged issue, pick up the phone or do it in person”. Email fails to communicate your intentions, so it usually looks pretty insensitive. Research says that 93% of our intentions are either seen or heard in voice tone. If you insist on letting email do your dirty work, you are likely to have a lot of unnecessary relationship issues. If you don’t have time to talk to people in these conditions, you need better time management skills.

2. Don’t copy over someone’s head. If you are trying to get your way with a coworker, you might be tempted to copy the boss or an executive on your request to “turn up the heat”. You might think that you are being strategic by doing so. Wrong! The boss usually deletes the email without reading it (one study suggests that happens about 75% of the time). Your coworker will resent it almost every time. You position yourself as a tattletale when you copy “dad” to get your way.

3. Don’t reply to all. For a few years, I had a line in my outgoing email to ask people to “join my SORTA campaign. SORTA stands for Stamp Out Reply To All. It is Neanderthal”. People that reply to all irritate others without knowing it. If you are the boss that does this to broadcast over email, it is perceived as arrogant. It is the equivalent to using the overhead phone system to announce your response to a voice mail. If you need to reply to more than one person, take the time to just copy the names of the people that actually need to be copied. If you’ve ever received an email about a potential meeting tomorrow at 10:30am and then received two dozen reply to alls (“Works for me!” “How About 10:00am), then you know this irritation.

4. Don’t address your emails until after you’ve reviewed them. Have you ever noticed that you get in a rhythm sometimes when you are writing an emotional response to someone and before you know it, you’ve hit the send button? You wish you could take it back, but it is too late putting a person’s email address in the TO line as your first action in email writing. Leave it blank. Fill out the subject and the body. If you think there are any emotions on your part or theirs, read it a second time. Only after you are comfortable with it, then you put in the email address.


5. Don’t send emails to coworkers or employees at odd hours. When someone receives a work related note from you at 1:00am, they are also receiving a subtle message that work is 24/7 to you. The more influential you are in the organization, the more your odd-hours emails create a workaholic culture. This is especially true when it comes to sending someone work emails over the holidays or when they are on vacation.

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL

Submitted by Suze Unger

When I arrived at 2:30 a.m., the building was dark except for a single
light in a ground floor window. Under these circumstances, many drivers would just honk once or twice, wait a minute, and then drive away.

But I had seen too many impoverished people who depended on taxis as their only means of transportation. Unless a situation smelled of danger, I always went to the door. This passenger might be someone who needs my assistance, I reasoned to myself.

So I walked to the door and knocked. 'Just a minute', answered a frail, elderly voice. I could hear something being dragged across the floor.

After a long pause, the door opened. A small woman in her 90's stood before me. She was wearing a print dress and a pillbox hat with a veil pinned on it, like somebody out of a 1940s movie. By her side was a small nylon suitcase. The apartment looked as if no one had lived in it for years. All the furniture was covered with sheets.

There were no clocks on the walls, no knickknacks or utensils on the counters. In the corner was a cardboard box filled with photos and glassware.

'Would you carry my bag out to the car?' she said. I took the suitcase to the cab, then returned to assist the woman. She took my arm and we walked slowly toward the curb. She kept thanking me for my kindness. 'It's nothing', I told her. 'I just try to treat my passengers the way I would want my mother treated'.

'Oh, you're such a good boy', she said. When we got in the cab, she gave me an address, and then asked, 'Could you drive through downtown?'

'It's not the shortest way,' I answered quickly.

'Oh, I don't mind,' she said. 'I'm in no hurry. I'm on my way to a hospice'.

I looked in the rear-view mirror. Her eyes were glistening. 'I don't have any family left,' she continued. 'The doctor says I don't have very long.' I quietly reached over and shut off the meter.

'What route would you like me to take?' I asked. For the next two hours, we drove through the city. She showed me the building where she had once worked as an elevator operator. We drove through the neighborhood where she and her
husband had lived when they were newlyweds. She had me pull up in front of a furniture warehouse that had once been a ballroom where she had gone dancing
as a girl. Sometimes she'd ask me to slow in front of a particular building or corner and would sit staring into the darkness, saying nothing.

As the first hint of sun was creasing the horizon, she suddenly said, 'I'm tired. Let's go now' We drove in silence to the address she had given me.It was a low building, like a small convalescent home, with a driveway that passed under a portico.

Two orderlies came out to the cab as soon as we pulled up. They were solicitous and intent, watching her every move. They must have been expecting her.

I opened the trunk and took the small suitcase to the door. The woman was already seated in a wheelchair.

'How much do I owe you?' she asked, reaching into her purse.


'Nothing,' I said

'You have to make a living,' she answered.


'There are other passengers,' I responded.

Almost without thinking, I bent and gave her a hug. She held onto me tightly. 'You gave an old woman a little moment of joy,' she said. 'Thank you.' I squeezed her hand, and then walked into the dimmorning light. Behind me, a door shut. It was the sound of the closing of a life.

I didn't pick up any more passengers that shift. I drove aimlessly lost in thought. For the rest of that day, I could hardly talk. What if that woman had gotten an angry driver, or one who was impatient to end his shift? What if I had refused to take the run, or had honked once, then driven away? On a quick review, I don't think that I have done anything more important in my life. We're conditioned to think that our lives revolve around great moments. But great moments often catch us unaware-beautifully wrapped in what others may consider a small one.
PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY WHAT YOU DID, OR WHAT YOU SAID, ~BUT~THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL.

CORPORATE LESSON

A sales rep, an administration clerk and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp. They rub it and a Genie comes out in a puff of smoke. The Genie says, “I usually only grant three wishes, so I’ll give each of you just one.”

“Me first! Me first!” says the admin clerk. “I want to be in the Bahamas, driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.” Poof! She’s gone.

In astonishment, “Me next! Me next!” says the sales rep. “I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, and endless supply of pina coladas and the love of my life.” Poof! He’s gone.

“OK, you’re up,” the Genie says to the manager. The manager says, “I want those two back in the office after lunch.”

Moral of the story: Always let your boss have the first say.

A True Champion

By: Carole Yamaguchi as told to Anita Gogno
From: Chicken Soup for the Sports Fan's Soul
When our second child was born, Jim and I thought she was perfect, but the doctor pointed out that her feet were turned inward. "Left uncorrected, it would be a problem," he told us.

We vowed to do anything we could to help our baby. When only two weeks old, I brought her back to the doctor, just as he had directed, and the doctor put her tiny feet into casts, her precious baby toes just barely visible. Because she was growing, I had to take her back to the doctor every two weeks to have each foot recast.

Eventually the casting was finished and it was time for corrective shoes and bars. Jim and I watched with hope and concern as she struggled to walk. Those first, awkward steps made us so proud. By the time she entered preschool, her steps appeared quite normal. Encouraged by her progress, we looked for something else to help strengthen her lower body.

As it turned out, she loved the ice!

When she turned six, we enrolled her in skating lessons and soon she was gliding like a swan. We watched in wonderment as she skimmed the ice. She wasn't the fastest nor the most coordinated skater. She had to work hard at every new movement, but she loved the ice and her dedication paid off. At fifteen, she competed in both pairs-skating and the ladies' singles at the 1988 World Junior Championships in Australia, winning both events! At the senior World Championships in 1991, she won the ladies' singles. Then we found ourselves filled with love and admiration in France, at the 1992 Winter Olympics, as our daughter, Kristi Yamaguchi won the gold medal.

I thought back to the early years of challenge for Kristi - the years of fear for us as her parents, and the same years of frustration for her as a child who simply wanted to walk; the endless doctor visits; the arduous first baby steps with bars and corrective shoes. During those years, we didn't expect gold medals and a stunning professional career ahead of her. We stood in awe of Kristi herself, respecting her strength and dedication, and how far she had come on two tiny feet that had once been bound in heavy casts. In our eyes, Kristi had always walked with the grace of a true champion.

PARENT

(submitted by Phil Wurzelbacher)

Job Description



This is hysterical. If it had been presented this way,

I don't believe any of us would have done it!



POSITION:

Mom, Mommy, Mama, Ma

Dad, Daddy, Dada, Pa, Pop



JOB DESCRIPTION:



Long term, team players needed, for challenging

permanent work in an

often chaotic environment.

Candidates must possess excellent communication

and organizational skills and be willing to work

variable hours, which will include evenings and weekends

and frequent 24 hour shifts on call.

Some overnight travel required, including trips to primitive

camping sites on rainy weekends and endless sports tournaments in

far away cities!

Travel expenses not reimbursed.

Extensive courier duties also required.



RESPONSIBILITIES:



The rest of your life.

Must be willing to be hated, at least temporarily,

until someone needs $5.

Must be willing to bite tongue repeatedly.

Also, must possess the physical stamina of a

pack mule

and be able to go from zero to 60 mph in three seconds flat

in case, this time, the screams from

the backyard are not someone just crying wolf.

Must be willing to face stimulating technical challenges,

such as small gadget repair, mysteriously sluggish toilets

and stuck zippers.

Must screen phone calls, maintain calendars and

coordinate production of multiple homework projects.

Must have ability to plan and organize social gatherings

for clients of all ages and mental outlooks.

Must be willing to be indispensable one minute,

an embarrassment the next.

Must always hope for the best but be prepared for the worst.

Must assume final, complete accountability for

the quality of the end product.

Responsibilities also include floor maintenance and

janitorial work throughout the facility.



POSSIBILITY FOR ADVANCEMENT & PROMOTION:



None.

Your job is to remain in the same position for years, without

complaining,

constantly retraining and updating your skills,

so that those in your charge can ultimately surpass you



PREVIOUS EXPERIENCE:



None required unfortunately.

On-the-job training offered on a continually exhausting basis..



WAGES AND COMPENSATION:



Get this! You pay them!

Offering frequent raises and bonuses.

A balloon payment is due when they turn 18 because

of the assumption that college will help them

become financially independent.

When you die, you give them whatever is left.

The oddest thing about this reverse-salary scheme is that

you actually enjoy it and wish you could only do more.



BENEFITS:



While no health or dental insurance, no pension,

no tuition reimbursement, no paid holidays and

no stock options are offered;

this job supplies limitless opportunities for personal growth,

unconditional love,

and free hugs and kisses for life if you play your cards right..





Forward this on to all the PARENTS you know, in appreciation for

everything

they do on a daily basis,

letting them know they are appreciated

for the fabulous job they do ... or forward with love

to anyone thinking of applying for the job.



** AND A FOOTNOTE?



THERE IS NO RETIREMENT -- EVER!!! **



If you are fortunate enough you will become grandparents!

ASHES THAN DUST

"I would rather be ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The proper function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days in trying to prolong them. I shall use my time."

Jack London

Wednesday's Wake Up Call: Why We Shot Down That Satellite: One Citizen's Conjecture

By songwriter Thom Schuyler

I am most impressed with the successful action taken by our U. S. Navy in shooting down the recent renegade spy satellite. There has been an appropriate amount of international intrigue and consternation regarding the reasons our government has been so adamant about destroying this spacecraft. Our official policy seems to have been the potential danger of its re-entry into our atmosphere and the possibility of this school bus-sized machine landing in some habited place, exploding and spewing its bizarre and toxic fuel into the ether. On the other hand, those nations that hold America in constant and bitter contempt contend that there was data collected in that capsule critical to the balance of power on this planet. Now that this satellite has been obliterated and this mission is accomplished there are few who really know the answer.

I have been reflecting upon the information that may have been collected on the hard drives of that extremely high-tech machine. This, of course, is simply conjecture and most of it likely untrue. However, I offer herein a reasonable estimation of its contents:



Lyrics to ‘Louie, Louie’

Map to final resting place of Jimmy Hoffa

Osama bin Laden’s address

Vatican bank statements

Identity of item Billy Joe MacAllister threw off Tallahatchie Bridge

Analysis of relationship between Loch Ness Monster and scotch

List of names, addresses and home phone numbers of everyone who has ever worked for a tele-marketer

Identity of person who let the dogs out

WISDOM FROM LARRY THE CABLE GUY

Submitted by listener Lynn Ziegler


Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

How much deeper would the ocean be without sponges?

What happens if you get scared half to death, twice?

Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?

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NASA ( Monday March 3rd)

NASA was interviewing professionals to be sent to Mars. Only one could go -- and couldn’t return to Earth.

The first applicant, an engineer, was asked how much he wanted to be paid for going. “A million dollars,” he answered, “because I want to donate it to M.I.T.”

The next applicant, a doctor, was asked the same question. He asked for $2 million. “I want to give a million to my family,” he explained, “and leave the other million for the advancement of medical research.”

The last applicant was a lawyer. When asked how much money he wanted, he whispered in the interviewer’s ear, “Three million dollars.”

“Why so much more than the others?” asked the interviewer.

The lawyer replied, “If you give me $3 million, I’ll give you $1 million, I’ll keep $1 million, and we’ll send the engineer to Mars.”