When it comes to being happy, less really is more! When researchers studied stress levels worldwide, they found that people in the most affluent countries were the most stressed out. So, here are three reasons to downsize your life. These are from the book Affluenza: The All Consuming Epidemic:
[1] When you scale back, people, not things, become your priority. Happiness levels in the U.S. have been declining since 1957. Experts believe one of the main causes is the absence of time spent with family and friends. So, once you commit to living with less, you'll focus on what you can do together as a family instead of what each of you wants to buy.
[2] You'll be smarter. British researchers found that people who were constantly distracted by the things they owned actually scored lower on IQ tests than they did when they lived without their fancy gadgets.
[3] You'll chill out. In a University of Virginia study, the more people pampered themselves with material objects, the less satisfied they were overall. Overindulgers got more upset by small annoyances. So, a trip to the mall for some "retail therapy" might give you a temporary boost, but in the long run - it lowers your quality of life.
Friday, June 27, 2008
Little Red Riding Hood
A Politically Correct Fairy Tale
by Jim Garner
There once was a young person named Red Riding Hood who lived with her mother on the edge of a large wood. One day her mother asked her to take a basket of fresh fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house -- not because this was womyn's work, mind you, but because the deed was generous and helped engender a feeling of community. Furthermore, her grandmother was not sick, but rather was in full physical and mental health and was fully capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult.
So Red Riding Hood set off with her basket of food through the woods. Many people she knew believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place and never set foot in it. Red Riding Hood, however, was so confident in her own budding sexuality that such obvious Freudian imagery did not hinder her.
On her way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood was accosted by a Wolf, who asked her what was in her basket. She replied, "Some healthful snacks for my grandmother, who is certainly capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult." The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."
Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid worldview. Now, if you'll excuse, me I must be on my way."
Red Riding Hood walked on along the main path. But, because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma's house. He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course of action for a carnivore such as himself. Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist notions of what was masculine or feminine, he put on grandma's nightclothes and crawled into bed.
Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have brought you some fat-free, sodium-free snacks to salute you in your role of a wise and nurturing matriarch."
From the bed, the Wolf said softly, "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."
Red Riding Hood said, "Oh, I forgot you are as optically challenged as a bat. Grandma, what big eyes you have!"
"They have seen much, and forgiven much, my dear."
"Grandma, what a big nose you have -- only relatively, of course, and certainly attractive in its own way."
"It has smelled much, and forgiven much, my dear."
"Grandma, what big teeth you have!"
The Wolf said, "I am happy with who I am and what I am," and leaped out of bed. He grabbed Red Riding Hood in his claws, intent on devouring her. Red Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the Wolf's apparent tendency toward cross-dressing, but because of his willful invasion of her personal space.
Her screams were heard by a passing woodchopper-person (or log-fuel technician, as he preferred to be called). When he burst into the cottage, he saw the melee and tried to intervene. But as he raised his ax, Red Riding Hood and the Wolf both stopped.
"And what do you think you're doing?" asked Red Riding Hood. The woodchopper-person blinked and tried to answer, but no words came to him. "Bursting in here like a Neanderthal, trusting your weapon to do your thinking for you!" she said. "Sexist! Speciesist! How dare you assume that womyn and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man's help!"
When she heard Red Riding Hood's speech, Grandma jumped out of the Wolf's mouth, took the woodchopper-person's axe, and cut his head off. After this ordeal, Red Riding Hood, Grandma, and the Wolf felt a certain commonality of purpose. They decided to set up an alternative household based on mutual respect and cooperation, and they lived together in the woods happily ever after.
by Jim Garner
There once was a young person named Red Riding Hood who lived with her mother on the edge of a large wood. One day her mother asked her to take a basket of fresh fruit and mineral water to her grandmother's house -- not because this was womyn's work, mind you, but because the deed was generous and helped engender a feeling of community. Furthermore, her grandmother was not sick, but rather was in full physical and mental health and was fully capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult.
So Red Riding Hood set off with her basket of food through the woods. Many people she knew believed that the forest was a foreboding and dangerous place and never set foot in it. Red Riding Hood, however, was so confident in her own budding sexuality that such obvious Freudian imagery did not hinder her.
On her way to Grandma's house, Red Riding Hood was accosted by a Wolf, who asked her what was in her basket. She replied, "Some healthful snacks for my grandmother, who is certainly capable of taking care of herself as a mature adult." The Wolf said, "You know, my dear, it isn't safe for a little girl to walk through these woods alone."
Red Riding Hood said, "I find your sexist remark offensive in the extreme, but I will ignore it because of your traditional status as an outcast from society, the stress of which has caused you to develop your own, entirely valid worldview. Now, if you'll excuse, me I must be on my way."
Red Riding Hood walked on along the main path. But, because his status outside society had freed him from slavish adherence to linear, Western-style thought, the Wolf knew of a quicker route to Grandma's house. He burst into the house and ate Grandma, an entirely valid course of action for a carnivore such as himself. Then, unhampered by rigid, traditionalist notions of what was masculine or feminine, he put on grandma's nightclothes and crawled into bed.
Red Riding Hood entered the cottage and said, "Grandma, I have brought you some fat-free, sodium-free snacks to salute you in your role of a wise and nurturing matriarch."
From the bed, the Wolf said softly, "Come closer, child, so that I might see you."
Red Riding Hood said, "Oh, I forgot you are as optically challenged as a bat. Grandma, what big eyes you have!"
"They have seen much, and forgiven much, my dear."
"Grandma, what a big nose you have -- only relatively, of course, and certainly attractive in its own way."
"It has smelled much, and forgiven much, my dear."
"Grandma, what big teeth you have!"
The Wolf said, "I am happy with who I am and what I am," and leaped out of bed. He grabbed Red Riding Hood in his claws, intent on devouring her. Red Riding Hood screamed, not out of alarm at the Wolf's apparent tendency toward cross-dressing, but because of his willful invasion of her personal space.
Her screams were heard by a passing woodchopper-person (or log-fuel technician, as he preferred to be called). When he burst into the cottage, he saw the melee and tried to intervene. But as he raised his ax, Red Riding Hood and the Wolf both stopped.
"And what do you think you're doing?" asked Red Riding Hood. The woodchopper-person blinked and tried to answer, but no words came to him. "Bursting in here like a Neanderthal, trusting your weapon to do your thinking for you!" she said. "Sexist! Speciesist! How dare you assume that womyn and wolves can't solve their own problems without a man's help!"
When she heard Red Riding Hood's speech, Grandma jumped out of the Wolf's mouth, took the woodchopper-person's axe, and cut his head off. After this ordeal, Red Riding Hood, Grandma, and the Wolf felt a certain commonality of purpose. They decided to set up an alternative household based on mutual respect and cooperation, and they lived together in the woods happily ever after.
Tuesday, June 24, 2008
A Dog's Purpose (from a 6-year-old)
By a veterinarian. .....
(submitted by Teresa Bailey)
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten year old Irish wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.
I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.
Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.
The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, 'I know why.' Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.
He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life, like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' The six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'
(submitted by Teresa Bailey)
Being a veterinarian, I had been called to examine a ten year old Irish wolfhound named Belker. The dog's owners, Ron, his wife, Lisa, and their little boy, Shane, were all very attached to Belker, and they were hoping for a miracle.
I examined Belker and found he was dying of cancer. I told the family we couldn't do anything for Belker, and offered to perform the euthanasia procedure for the old dog in their home.
As we made arrangements, Ron and Lisa told me they thought it would be good for six-year-old Shane to observe the procedure. They felt as though Shane might learn something from the experience.
The next day, I felt the familiar catch in my throat as Belker's family surrounded him. Shane seemed so calm, petting the old dog for the last time, that I wondered if he understood what was going on.
Within a few minutes, Belker slipped peacefully away.
The little boy seemed to accept Belker's transition without any difficulty or confusion. We sat together for a while after Belker's death, wondering aloud about the sad fact that animal lives are shorter than human lives.
Shane, who had been listening quietly, piped up, 'I know why.' Startled, we all turned to him. What came out of his mouth next stunned me. I'd never heard a more comforting explanation.
He said, 'People are born so that they can learn how to live a good life, like loving everybody all the time and being nice, right?' The six-year-old continued, 'Well, dogs already know how to do that, so they don't have to stay as long.'
When Was The Last Time?
When was the last time you told your parents how grateful you are just for being their children?
When was the last time you told your parents how sorry you are for the troubles you have caused in the past?
When was the last time you looked at your parents and said in your heart, "Thank God for these people"?
When was the last time you bought a present for your parents outside their birthday?
When was the last time you prayed for your parents?
When was the last time you made your parents proud of your achievements?
When was the last time you cancelled your date just because you want to be alone with your parents?
When was the last time you said to your parents, "Ok guys, relax now, today is my turn to clean the house"?
When was the last time you've proudly told your friends about how great your parents are?
When was the last time you thought about all these things?
Remember, your parents did all this for you, long before you could say a word. They did it, not because they had to, but because they loved you and they will keep doing it again and again, always and forever.
For them, loving you is like breathing, how can they stop?
By John Panigllia
When was the last time you told your parents how sorry you are for the troubles you have caused in the past?
When was the last time you looked at your parents and said in your heart, "Thank God for these people"?
When was the last time you bought a present for your parents outside their birthday?
When was the last time you prayed for your parents?
When was the last time you made your parents proud of your achievements?
When was the last time you cancelled your date just because you want to be alone with your parents?
When was the last time you said to your parents, "Ok guys, relax now, today is my turn to clean the house"?
When was the last time you've proudly told your friends about how great your parents are?
When was the last time you thought about all these things?
Remember, your parents did all this for you, long before you could say a word. They did it, not because they had to, but because they loved you and they will keep doing it again and again, always and forever.
For them, loving you is like breathing, how can they stop?
By John Panigllia
TIM RUSSERT
By Cindy Adams New York Post
I once asked Tim Russert how he handles tough questions with what looks to be a friend or, at least, appears to be special access from DC's hotshots. He answered: "They're not friends. They're VIPs I'm interviewing. I do research and prepare my questions. Sometimes they don't answer. Sometimes they won't even come on, like the week I wanted Rumsfeld. He wouldn't do it. But the public knows when they're avoiding issues. And it's my job to confront that. I don't socialize with these people. I work hard. I get up early to do the 'Today' show. I write a book. I raise my kid. I don't party."
I once asked Tim Russert how he handles tough questions with what looks to be a friend or, at least, appears to be special access from DC's hotshots. He answered: "They're not friends. They're VIPs I'm interviewing. I do research and prepare my questions. Sometimes they don't answer. Sometimes they won't even come on, like the week I wanted Rumsfeld. He wouldn't do it. But the public knows when they're avoiding issues. And it's my job to confront that. I don't socialize with these people. I work hard. I get up early to do the 'Today' show. I write a book. I raise my kid. I don't party."
TODAY
Mend a quarrel. Search out a forgotten friend. Dismiss suspicion and replace it with trust. Write a love letter. Share some treasure. Give a soft answer. Encourage youth. Manifest your loyalty in a word or deed.
Keep a promise. Find the time. Forego a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Listen. Apologize if you were wrong. Try to understand. Flout envy. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Appreciate, be kind, be gentle. Laugh a little more.
Deserve confidence. Take up arms against malice. Decry complacency. Express your gratitude. Worship your God. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love. Speak it again. Speak it still again. Speak it still once again.
-- Fran Anderson
Keep a promise. Find the time. Forego a grudge. Forgive an enemy. Listen. Apologize if you were wrong. Try to understand. Flout envy. Examine your demands on others. Think first of someone else. Appreciate, be kind, be gentle. Laugh a little more.
Deserve confidence. Take up arms against malice. Decry complacency. Express your gratitude. Worship your God. Gladden the heart of a child. Take pleasure in the beauty and wonder of the earth. Speak your love. Speak it again. Speak it still again. Speak it still once again.
-- Fran Anderson
Tuesday, June 17, 2008
THE WIFE AND BUD LIGHT
A husband and wife are shopping at the supermarket when he picks up a case of Bud Light and sticks it into the cart.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife
They're on sale, only $10 for 12 cans', he says.
Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the cart.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the man.
It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.
The man replies... 'SO DOES 12 CANS OF BUD LIGHT AND IT'S HALF THE PRICE!'
What do you think you're doing?' asks the wife
They're on sale, only $10 for 12 cans', he says.
Put them back. We can't afford it,' says the wife and they carry on shopping.
A few aisles later the woman picks up a $20 jar of face cream and sticks it into the cart.
What do you think you're doing?' asks the man.
It's my face cream. It makes me look beautiful,' she says.
The man replies... 'SO DOES 12 CANS OF BUD LIGHT AND IT'S HALF THE PRICE!'
Thursday, June 12, 2008
TIPS TO INCREASE YOUR ENERGY TODAY
When you wake up, whiff some lemon. It’ll give your brain a swifter wake-up call than coffee. It also reduces stress.
If you’re starting to feel a brain drain around noon – just get outside. The sun gives off blue light which activates areas of the brain responsible for maintaining alertness. It also boosts levels of the happiness hormone serotonin.
So what can you do to fend off that afternoon slump at 3 o’clock? Look at something bright red. Within moments, a flood of arousing brain chemicals will increase your clarity and concentration so you can get your focus back. In a recent U of Texas study, employees who were surround by bright red objects outperformed those who were surrounded by blue or white.
On the way home from work at around 6 PM, if you want to keep your energy up, sing along with the radio. Belting out a tune helps you effortlessly take in more oxygen, and that in turn stimulates the flow of energizing nutrients to your brain.
If you don’t want to wind up glued to the couch at 8 PM when there’s plenty of time left to spend with friends and family -- eat some dark chocolate. It’s a natural stimulant and helps to fuel the nervous system and improve blood flow to the brain.
If you’re starting to feel a brain drain around noon – just get outside. The sun gives off blue light which activates areas of the brain responsible for maintaining alertness. It also boosts levels of the happiness hormone serotonin.
So what can you do to fend off that afternoon slump at 3 o’clock? Look at something bright red. Within moments, a flood of arousing brain chemicals will increase your clarity and concentration so you can get your focus back. In a recent U of Texas study, employees who were surround by bright red objects outperformed those who were surrounded by blue or white.
On the way home from work at around 6 PM, if you want to keep your energy up, sing along with the radio. Belting out a tune helps you effortlessly take in more oxygen, and that in turn stimulates the flow of energizing nutrients to your brain.
If you don’t want to wind up glued to the couch at 8 PM when there’s plenty of time left to spend with friends and family -- eat some dark chocolate. It’s a natural stimulant and helps to fuel the nervous system and improve blood flow to the brain.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
THE POWER OF FAILURE
A few days ago, Harry Potter author J.K. Rowling gave a commencement speech at Harvard University, where she talked about failure -- and how powerful it can be:
The fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure....
I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.
Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way.
The fact that you are graduating from Harvard suggests that you are not very well-acquainted with failure....
I think it fair to say that by any conventional measure, a mere seven years after my graduation day, I had failed on an epic scale. An exceptionally short-lived marriage had imploded, and I was jobless, a lone parent, and as poor as it is possible to be in modern Britain, without being homeless. The fears my parents had had for me, and that I had had for myself, had both come to pass, and by every usual standard, I was the biggest failure I knew.
Now, I am not going to stand here and tell you that failure is fun. That period of my life was a dark one, and I had no idea that there was going to be what the press has since represented as a kind of fairy tale resolution. I had no idea how far the tunnel extended, and for a long time, any light at the end of it was a hope rather than a reality.
So why do I talk about the benefits of failure? Simply because failure meant a stripping away of the inessential. I stopped pretending to myself that I was anything other than what I was, and began to direct all my energy into finishing the only work that mattered to me. Had I really succeeded at anything else, I might never have found the determination to succeed in the one arena I believed I truly belonged. I was set free, because my greatest fear had already been realized, and I was still alive, and I still had a daughter whom I adored, and I had an old typewriter and a big idea. And so rock bottom became the solid foundation on which I rebuilt my life.
Failure gave me an inner security that I had never attained by passing examinations. Failure taught me things about myself that I could have learned no other way.
Words to Live By..
Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
Monday, June 9, 2008
WALKING ECONOMY
This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy."
The friend replies "How so?"
"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"
The friend replies "How so?"
"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"
Friday, June 6, 2008
Animals Are Parents Too
Author: Chris
I want to let you know about an event that changed my life many years ago. It is a memory that periodically comes and goes, but it is one of the most precious memories that me and my wife share. I am thankful that we can remember it together. It's a reminder that things are not what they seem and that angels come in many packages.
We live in College Station, Texas and we were on our way home from Houston, Texas around the Weston Lakes area one Saturday or Sunday morning. And when I say morning, I'm talking 1:00 to 2:00 in the morning. We were on our way home and decided to stop at a local gas station to get coffee and something to snack on since it was a good hour and a half before we got home.
When we were done, we got back into our car and before I started it, we noticed a man standing outside in front of the building. You could tell that he was a homeless man. His clothes were tattered and worn and it looked like he had gone in and gotten him some coffee or something warm to drink since it was cold this time of the year. He must have not had enough money to get something to eat. That is not something I remember too well, because that is not what "moved" me.
The next thing I remember is a dog that walked up to the front of the building. Being a dog lover, I noticed that she was part wolf and probably part German shepherd. I could tell she was a she, because you could tell that she had been feeding puppies. She was terribly in need of something to eat and I felt so bad for her. I knew if she didn't eat soon, she and her puppies would not make it.
Me and my wife sat there and looked at her. We noticed that people walked by and didn't even pet her, like most people do when they walk by an animal in front of a store. She might not have been as pretty and clean as most, but she still deserved better. But we still did not do anything. But someone did. The homeless man, who I thought did not buy himself anything to eat, went back into the store. And what he did brought tears to me and my wife. He had gone into the store and with what money he may have had, bought a can of dog food and fed that dog.
I know that this story isn't as inspirational as most stories, but it plays a great part in our lives. You see, that was Mother's Day weekend. And a lot of people forget that some animals are parents too. And animals as well as us are God's creations too.
I want to let you know about an event that changed my life many years ago. It is a memory that periodically comes and goes, but it is one of the most precious memories that me and my wife share. I am thankful that we can remember it together. It's a reminder that things are not what they seem and that angels come in many packages.
We live in College Station, Texas and we were on our way home from Houston, Texas around the Weston Lakes area one Saturday or Sunday morning. And when I say morning, I'm talking 1:00 to 2:00 in the morning. We were on our way home and decided to stop at a local gas station to get coffee and something to snack on since it was a good hour and a half before we got home.
When we were done, we got back into our car and before I started it, we noticed a man standing outside in front of the building. You could tell that he was a homeless man. His clothes were tattered and worn and it looked like he had gone in and gotten him some coffee or something warm to drink since it was cold this time of the year. He must have not had enough money to get something to eat. That is not something I remember too well, because that is not what "moved" me.
The next thing I remember is a dog that walked up to the front of the building. Being a dog lover, I noticed that she was part wolf and probably part German shepherd. I could tell she was a she, because you could tell that she had been feeding puppies. She was terribly in need of something to eat and I felt so bad for her. I knew if she didn't eat soon, she and her puppies would not make it.
Me and my wife sat there and looked at her. We noticed that people walked by and didn't even pet her, like most people do when they walk by an animal in front of a store. She might not have been as pretty and clean as most, but she still deserved better. But we still did not do anything. But someone did. The homeless man, who I thought did not buy himself anything to eat, went back into the store. And what he did brought tears to me and my wife. He had gone into the store and with what money he may have had, bought a can of dog food and fed that dog.
I know that this story isn't as inspirational as most stories, but it plays a great part in our lives. You see, that was Mother's Day weekend. And a lot of people forget that some animals are parents too. And animals as well as us are God's creations too.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
FAILURE IS AN OPTION!
Never give up. Here's proof that failure can knock you down, but it doesn't have to keep you there...
Number of times Henry Ford lost everything before designing the Model T: 2
Fuel remaining when man first landed on the Moon: 15 seconds' worth
Kurt Warner's position before becoming an Super Bowl winning quarterback: Supermarket clerk, Cedar Falls, Iowa
Attempts by Michael Jordan to make his high school team: 2
Number of times Henry Ford lost everything before designing the Model T: 2
Fuel remaining when man first landed on the Moon: 15 seconds' worth
Kurt Warner's position before becoming an Super Bowl winning quarterback: Supermarket clerk, Cedar Falls, Iowa
Attempts by Michael Jordan to make his high school team: 2
Rescued
A little girl whose parents had died, lived with her grandmother and slept in an upstairs bedroom.
One night there was a fire in the house and the grandmother perished while trying to rescue the child. The fire spread quickly, and the first floor was engulfed in flames.
Neighbors called the fire department, then stood helplessly by, unable to enter the house as flames blocked all the entrances. The little girl appeared at an upstairs window, crying for help, just as word spread among the crowd that firefighters would be delayed a few minutes because they were all at another fire.
Suddenly, a man appeared with a ladder, put it up against the side of the house & disappeared inside. When he reappeared, he had the little girl in his arms. He delivered the child to the waiting arms below, then disappeared into the night.
An investigation revealed the child had no living relatives. Weeks later a meeting was held in the town hall to determine who would take the child into their home and bring her up.
A teacher said she would raise the child. She pointed out she could ensure a good education. A farmer offered an upbringing on his farm. He pointed out that living on a farm was healthy and satisfying. Others spoke, giving their reasons why it was to the child's advantage to live with them.
Finally, the town's richest resident arose and said, "I can give this child all the advantages that you have mentioned here, plus money and everything money can buy." Through all this, the child remained silent, eyes cast down.
"Does anyone else want to speak?" asked the meeting chairman.
A man came forward from the back of the hall. His gait was slow and he seemed in pain. When he got to the front of the room, he stood directly before the little girl and held out his arms. The crowd gasped. His hands and arms were terribly scarred.
The child cried out, "This is the man who rescued me!" With a leap, she threw her arms around the man's neck, holding on for dear life, just as she had that fateful night. She buried her face on his shoulder and sobbed for a few moments. Then she looked up and smiled at him.
"This meeting is adjourned," said the chairman.
Author Unknown
One night there was a fire in the house and the grandmother perished while trying to rescue the child. The fire spread quickly, and the first floor was engulfed in flames.
Neighbors called the fire department, then stood helplessly by, unable to enter the house as flames blocked all the entrances. The little girl appeared at an upstairs window, crying for help, just as word spread among the crowd that firefighters would be delayed a few minutes because they were all at another fire.
Suddenly, a man appeared with a ladder, put it up against the side of the house & disappeared inside. When he reappeared, he had the little girl in his arms. He delivered the child to the waiting arms below, then disappeared into the night.
An investigation revealed the child had no living relatives. Weeks later a meeting was held in the town hall to determine who would take the child into their home and bring her up.
A teacher said she would raise the child. She pointed out she could ensure a good education. A farmer offered an upbringing on his farm. He pointed out that living on a farm was healthy and satisfying. Others spoke, giving their reasons why it was to the child's advantage to live with them.
Finally, the town's richest resident arose and said, "I can give this child all the advantages that you have mentioned here, plus money and everything money can buy." Through all this, the child remained silent, eyes cast down.
"Does anyone else want to speak?" asked the meeting chairman.
A man came forward from the back of the hall. His gait was slow and he seemed in pain. When he got to the front of the room, he stood directly before the little girl and held out his arms. The crowd gasped. His hands and arms were terribly scarred.
The child cried out, "This is the man who rescued me!" With a leap, she threw her arms around the man's neck, holding on for dear life, just as she had that fateful night. She buried her face on his shoulder and sobbed for a few moments. Then she looked up and smiled at him.
"This meeting is adjourned," said the chairman.
Author Unknown
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
THE PARROT AND THE LADY
A lady was walking down the street and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady was furious. She stormed past the store and went off to her job. On the way home, she saw the same parrot, and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day, on the way to work, the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and told the manager that she would sue the store and have the bird put to sleep. The store manager assured her that he would make sure the bird would not say she was ugly again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work, the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said,"Yes?" And the bird said, "You know."
THE HUSBAND STORE
A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love, kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think. What must be awaiting me further on?"
So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love, kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think. What must be awaiting me further on?"
So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day
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