Always keep your words soft and sweet, just in case you have to eat them.
Always read stuff that will make you look good if you die in the middle of it.
Drive carefully. It's not only cars that can be recalled by their maker.
If you can't be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.
If you lend someone $20, and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
Ever notice that the people who are late are often much jollier than the people who have to wait for them?
If ignorance is bliss, why aren't more people happy?
Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened.
Wednesday, June 11, 2008
Monday, June 9, 2008
WALKING ECONOMY
This guy is walking with his friend. He says to this friend, "I'm a walking economy."
The friend replies "How so?"
"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"
The friend replies "How so?"
"My hair line is in recession, my stomach is a victim of inflation, and both of these together are putting me into a deep depression!"
Friday, June 6, 2008
Animals Are Parents Too
Author: Chris
I want to let you know about an event that changed my life many years ago. It is a memory that periodically comes and goes, but it is one of the most precious memories that me and my wife share. I am thankful that we can remember it together. It's a reminder that things are not what they seem and that angels come in many packages.
We live in College Station, Texas and we were on our way home from Houston, Texas around the Weston Lakes area one Saturday or Sunday morning. And when I say morning, I'm talking 1:00 to 2:00 in the morning. We were on our way home and decided to stop at a local gas station to get coffee and something to snack on since it was a good hour and a half before we got home.
When we were done, we got back into our car and before I started it, we noticed a man standing outside in front of the building. You could tell that he was a homeless man. His clothes were tattered and worn and it looked like he had gone in and gotten him some coffee or something warm to drink since it was cold this time of the year. He must have not had enough money to get something to eat. That is not something I remember too well, because that is not what "moved" me.
The next thing I remember is a dog that walked up to the front of the building. Being a dog lover, I noticed that she was part wolf and probably part German shepherd. I could tell she was a she, because you could tell that she had been feeding puppies. She was terribly in need of something to eat and I felt so bad for her. I knew if she didn't eat soon, she and her puppies would not make it.
Me and my wife sat there and looked at her. We noticed that people walked by and didn't even pet her, like most people do when they walk by an animal in front of a store. She might not have been as pretty and clean as most, but she still deserved better. But we still did not do anything. But someone did. The homeless man, who I thought did not buy himself anything to eat, went back into the store. And what he did brought tears to me and my wife. He had gone into the store and with what money he may have had, bought a can of dog food and fed that dog.
I know that this story isn't as inspirational as most stories, but it plays a great part in our lives. You see, that was Mother's Day weekend. And a lot of people forget that some animals are parents too. And animals as well as us are God's creations too.
I want to let you know about an event that changed my life many years ago. It is a memory that periodically comes and goes, but it is one of the most precious memories that me and my wife share. I am thankful that we can remember it together. It's a reminder that things are not what they seem and that angels come in many packages.
We live in College Station, Texas and we were on our way home from Houston, Texas around the Weston Lakes area one Saturday or Sunday morning. And when I say morning, I'm talking 1:00 to 2:00 in the morning. We were on our way home and decided to stop at a local gas station to get coffee and something to snack on since it was a good hour and a half before we got home.
When we were done, we got back into our car and before I started it, we noticed a man standing outside in front of the building. You could tell that he was a homeless man. His clothes were tattered and worn and it looked like he had gone in and gotten him some coffee or something warm to drink since it was cold this time of the year. He must have not had enough money to get something to eat. That is not something I remember too well, because that is not what "moved" me.
The next thing I remember is a dog that walked up to the front of the building. Being a dog lover, I noticed that she was part wolf and probably part German shepherd. I could tell she was a she, because you could tell that she had been feeding puppies. She was terribly in need of something to eat and I felt so bad for her. I knew if she didn't eat soon, she and her puppies would not make it.
Me and my wife sat there and looked at her. We noticed that people walked by and didn't even pet her, like most people do when they walk by an animal in front of a store. She might not have been as pretty and clean as most, but she still deserved better. But we still did not do anything. But someone did. The homeless man, who I thought did not buy himself anything to eat, went back into the store. And what he did brought tears to me and my wife. He had gone into the store and with what money he may have had, bought a can of dog food and fed that dog.
I know that this story isn't as inspirational as most stories, but it plays a great part in our lives. You see, that was Mother's Day weekend. And a lot of people forget that some animals are parents too. And animals as well as us are God's creations too.
Thursday, June 5, 2008
FAILURE IS AN OPTION!
Never give up. Here's proof that failure can knock you down, but it doesn't have to keep you there...
Number of times Henry Ford lost everything before designing the Model T: 2
Fuel remaining when man first landed on the Moon: 15 seconds' worth
Kurt Warner's position before becoming an Super Bowl winning quarterback: Supermarket clerk, Cedar Falls, Iowa
Attempts by Michael Jordan to make his high school team: 2
Number of times Henry Ford lost everything before designing the Model T: 2
Fuel remaining when man first landed on the Moon: 15 seconds' worth
Kurt Warner's position before becoming an Super Bowl winning quarterback: Supermarket clerk, Cedar Falls, Iowa
Attempts by Michael Jordan to make his high school team: 2
Rescued
A little girl whose parents had died, lived with her grandmother and slept in an upstairs bedroom.
One night there was a fire in the house and the grandmother perished while trying to rescue the child. The fire spread quickly, and the first floor was engulfed in flames.
Neighbors called the fire department, then stood helplessly by, unable to enter the house as flames blocked all the entrances. The little girl appeared at an upstairs window, crying for help, just as word spread among the crowd that firefighters would be delayed a few minutes because they were all at another fire.
Suddenly, a man appeared with a ladder, put it up against the side of the house & disappeared inside. When he reappeared, he had the little girl in his arms. He delivered the child to the waiting arms below, then disappeared into the night.
An investigation revealed the child had no living relatives. Weeks later a meeting was held in the town hall to determine who would take the child into their home and bring her up.
A teacher said she would raise the child. She pointed out she could ensure a good education. A farmer offered an upbringing on his farm. He pointed out that living on a farm was healthy and satisfying. Others spoke, giving their reasons why it was to the child's advantage to live with them.
Finally, the town's richest resident arose and said, "I can give this child all the advantages that you have mentioned here, plus money and everything money can buy." Through all this, the child remained silent, eyes cast down.
"Does anyone else want to speak?" asked the meeting chairman.
A man came forward from the back of the hall. His gait was slow and he seemed in pain. When he got to the front of the room, he stood directly before the little girl and held out his arms. The crowd gasped. His hands and arms were terribly scarred.
The child cried out, "This is the man who rescued me!" With a leap, she threw her arms around the man's neck, holding on for dear life, just as she had that fateful night. She buried her face on his shoulder and sobbed for a few moments. Then she looked up and smiled at him.
"This meeting is adjourned," said the chairman.
Author Unknown
One night there was a fire in the house and the grandmother perished while trying to rescue the child. The fire spread quickly, and the first floor was engulfed in flames.
Neighbors called the fire department, then stood helplessly by, unable to enter the house as flames blocked all the entrances. The little girl appeared at an upstairs window, crying for help, just as word spread among the crowd that firefighters would be delayed a few minutes because they were all at another fire.
Suddenly, a man appeared with a ladder, put it up against the side of the house & disappeared inside. When he reappeared, he had the little girl in his arms. He delivered the child to the waiting arms below, then disappeared into the night.
An investigation revealed the child had no living relatives. Weeks later a meeting was held in the town hall to determine who would take the child into their home and bring her up.
A teacher said she would raise the child. She pointed out she could ensure a good education. A farmer offered an upbringing on his farm. He pointed out that living on a farm was healthy and satisfying. Others spoke, giving their reasons why it was to the child's advantage to live with them.
Finally, the town's richest resident arose and said, "I can give this child all the advantages that you have mentioned here, plus money and everything money can buy." Through all this, the child remained silent, eyes cast down.
"Does anyone else want to speak?" asked the meeting chairman.
A man came forward from the back of the hall. His gait was slow and he seemed in pain. When he got to the front of the room, he stood directly before the little girl and held out his arms. The crowd gasped. His hands and arms were terribly scarred.
The child cried out, "This is the man who rescued me!" With a leap, she threw her arms around the man's neck, holding on for dear life, just as she had that fateful night. She buried her face on his shoulder and sobbed for a few moments. Then she looked up and smiled at him.
"This meeting is adjourned," said the chairman.
Author Unknown
Tuesday, June 3, 2008
THE PARROT AND THE LADY
A lady was walking down the street and she saw a parrot on a perch in front of a pet store. The parrot said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." Well, the lady was furious. She stormed past the store and went off to her job. On the way home, she saw the same parrot, and it said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." She was incredibly ticked now. The next day, on the way to work, the same parrot again said to her, "Hey lady, you are really ugly." The lady was so ticked that she went into the store and told the manager that she would sue the store and have the bird put to sleep. The store manager assured her that he would make sure the bird would not say she was ugly again. When the lady walked past the store that day after work, the parrot called to her, "Hey lady." She paused and said,"Yes?" And the bird said, "You know."
THE HUSBAND STORE
A store that sells husbands has just opened in Ottawa where a woman may go to choose a husband from among many men. The store is comprised of 6 floors, and the men increase in positive attributes as the shopper ascends the flights.
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love, kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think. What must be awaiting me further on?"
So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day
There is, however, a catch. As you open the door to any floor you may choose a man from that floor, but if you go up a floor, you cannot go back down except to exit the building.
So a woman goes to the shopping center to find a husband. On the first floor the sign on the door reads:
Floor 1 - These men have jobs.
The woman reads the sign and says to herself, "Well, that's better than my last boyfriend, but I wonder what's further up?"
So up she goes.
The second floor sign reads:
Floor 2 - These men have jobs and love, kids.
The woman remarks to herself, "That's great, but I wonder what's further up?" And up she goes again.
The third floor sign reads:
Floor 3 - These men have jobs, love kids and are extremely good looking.
"Hmmm, better" she says. "But I wonder what's upstairs?"
Floor 4 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking and help with the housework.
"Wow!" exclaims the woman, "very tempting. BUT, there must be more further up!" And again she heads up another flight.
The fifth floor sign reads:
Floor 5 - These men have jobs, love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong romantic streak. "Oh, mercy me! But just think. What must be awaiting me further on?"
So up to the sixth floor she goes.
The sixth floor sign reads:
Floor 6 - You are visitor 3,456,789,012 to this floor. There are no men on this floor. This floor exists solely as proof that women are impossible to please. Thank you for shopping Husband Mart and have a nice day
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