There is a man who goes out drinking all the time and comes home very later every night.
So one night his wife decides to teach him a lesson. She dresses up like Satan, and decides to hide in the dark, and scare him when he gets home.
The man comes home, and his wife jumps out and screams in his face.
He just looks at her and says, ''You don't scare me I am married to your sister!'''
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Remember the Small Things
This is a nice true story by Mother Teresa. I am sure it can inspire everyone. "Let's be like lamps or candles to light people's life."
Some of my sisters work in Australia. On a reservation, among the Aborigines, there was an elderly man. I can assure you that you have never seen a situation as difficult as that poor old man's. He was completely ignored by everyone. His home was disordered and dirty.
I told him, "Please, let me clean your house, wash your clothes, and make your bed."
He answered, "I'm okay like this. Let it be."
I said again, "You will be still better if you allow me to do it."
He finally agreed. So I was able to clean his house and wash his clothes. I discovered a beautiful lamp, covered with dust. Only God knows how many years had passed since he last lit it.
I said to him, "Don't you light your lamp? Don't you ever use it?"
He answered, "No. No one comes to see me. I have no need to light it. Who would I light it for?"
I asked, "Would you light it every night if the sisters came?"
He replied, "Of course."
From that day on the sisters committed themselves to visiting him every evening. We cleaned the lamp and the sisters would light it every evening.
Two years passed. I had completely forgotten that man. He sent this message: "Tell my friend that the light she lit in my life continues to shine still."
I thought it was a very small thing. We often neglect small things.
--- Author Unknown --- Submitted by Anna A., Cracow, Poland
Some of my sisters work in Australia. On a reservation, among the Aborigines, there was an elderly man. I can assure you that you have never seen a situation as difficult as that poor old man's. He was completely ignored by everyone. His home was disordered and dirty.
I told him, "Please, let me clean your house, wash your clothes, and make your bed."
He answered, "I'm okay like this. Let it be."
I said again, "You will be still better if you allow me to do it."
He finally agreed. So I was able to clean his house and wash his clothes. I discovered a beautiful lamp, covered with dust. Only God knows how many years had passed since he last lit it.
I said to him, "Don't you light your lamp? Don't you ever use it?"
He answered, "No. No one comes to see me. I have no need to light it. Who would I light it for?"
I asked, "Would you light it every night if the sisters came?"
He replied, "Of course."
From that day on the sisters committed themselves to visiting him every evening. We cleaned the lamp and the sisters would light it every evening.
Two years passed. I had completely forgotten that man. He sent this message: "Tell my friend that the light she lit in my life continues to shine still."
I thought it was a very small thing. We often neglect small things.
--- Author Unknown --- Submitted by Anna A., Cracow, Poland
Monday, February 25, 2008
Acres Of Diamonds
Author: Earl Nightingale
One of the most interesting Americans who lived in the 19th century was a man by the name of Russell Herman Conwell. He was born in 1843 and lived until 1925. He was a lawyer for about fifteen years until he became a clergyman.
One day, a young man went to him and told him he wanted a college education but couldn't swing it financially. Dr. Conwell decided, at that moment, what his aim in life was, besides being a man of cloth - that is. He decided to build a university for unfortunate, but deserving, students. He did have a challenge, however. He would need a few million dollars to build the university. For Dr. Conwell, and anyone with real purpose in life, nothing could stand in the way of his goal.
Several years before this incident, Dr. Conwell was tremendously intrigued by a true story - with its ageless moral. The story was about a farmer who lived in Africa and through a visitor became tremendously excited about looking for diamonds. Diamonds were already discovered in abundance on the African continent and this farmer got so excited about the idea of millions of dollars worth of diamonds that he sold his farm to head out to the diamond line. He wandered all over the continent, as the years slipped by, constantly searching for diamonds, wealth, which he never found. Eventually he went completely broke and threw himself into a river and drowned.
Meanwhile, the new owner of his farm picked up an unusual looking rock about the size of a country egg and put it on his mantle as a sort of curiosity. A visitor stopped by and in viewing the rock practically went into terminal convulsions. He told the new owner of the farm that the funny looking rock on his mantle was about the biggest diamond that had ever been found. The new owner of the farm said, "Heck, the whole farm is covered with them" - and sure enough it was.
The farm turned out to be the Kimberly Diamond Mine...the richest the world has ever known. The original farmer was literally standing on "Acres of Diamonds" until he sold his farm.
Dr. Conwell learned from the story of the farmer and continued to teach it's moral. Each of us is right in the middle of our own "Acre of Diamonds", if only we would realize it and develop the ground we are standing on before charging off in search of greener pastures. Dr. Conwell told this story many times and attracted enormous audiences. He told the story long enough to have raised the money to start the college for underprivileged deserving students. In fact, he raised nearly six million dollars and the university he founded, Temple University in Philadelphia, has at least ten degree-granting colleges and six other schools.
When Doctor Russell H. Conwell talked about each of us being right on our own "Acre of Diamonds", he meant it. This story does not get old...it will be true forever...
Opportunity does not just come along - it is there all the time - we just have to see it.
One of the most interesting Americans who lived in the 19th century was a man by the name of Russell Herman Conwell. He was born in 1843 and lived until 1925. He was a lawyer for about fifteen years until he became a clergyman.
One day, a young man went to him and told him he wanted a college education but couldn't swing it financially. Dr. Conwell decided, at that moment, what his aim in life was, besides being a man of cloth - that is. He decided to build a university for unfortunate, but deserving, students. He did have a challenge, however. He would need a few million dollars to build the university. For Dr. Conwell, and anyone with real purpose in life, nothing could stand in the way of his goal.
Several years before this incident, Dr. Conwell was tremendously intrigued by a true story - with its ageless moral. The story was about a farmer who lived in Africa and through a visitor became tremendously excited about looking for diamonds. Diamonds were already discovered in abundance on the African continent and this farmer got so excited about the idea of millions of dollars worth of diamonds that he sold his farm to head out to the diamond line. He wandered all over the continent, as the years slipped by, constantly searching for diamonds, wealth, which he never found. Eventually he went completely broke and threw himself into a river and drowned.
Meanwhile, the new owner of his farm picked up an unusual looking rock about the size of a country egg and put it on his mantle as a sort of curiosity. A visitor stopped by and in viewing the rock practically went into terminal convulsions. He told the new owner of the farm that the funny looking rock on his mantle was about the biggest diamond that had ever been found. The new owner of the farm said, "Heck, the whole farm is covered with them" - and sure enough it was.
The farm turned out to be the Kimberly Diamond Mine...the richest the world has ever known. The original farmer was literally standing on "Acres of Diamonds" until he sold his farm.
Dr. Conwell learned from the story of the farmer and continued to teach it's moral. Each of us is right in the middle of our own "Acre of Diamonds", if only we would realize it and develop the ground we are standing on before charging off in search of greener pastures. Dr. Conwell told this story many times and attracted enormous audiences. He told the story long enough to have raised the money to start the college for underprivileged deserving students. In fact, he raised nearly six million dollars and the university he founded, Temple University in Philadelphia, has at least ten degree-granting colleges and six other schools.
When Doctor Russell H. Conwell talked about each of us being right on our own "Acre of Diamonds", he meant it. This story does not get old...it will be true forever...
Opportunity does not just come along - it is there all the time - we just have to see it.
Wednesday, February 20, 2008
NEW WORDS AND NEW MEANINGS
Here is the Washington Post's Mensa Invitational, which once again asked readers to take any word from the dictionary, alter it by adding, subtracting, or changing one letter, and supply a new definition.
Here are the winners:
. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
pokemon, n.. a Rastafarian proctologist.
Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Here are the winners:
. Cashtration (n.): The act of buying a house, which renders the subject financially impotent for an indefinite period of time.
Reintarnation: Coming back to life as a hillbilly.
Giraffiti: Vandalism spray-painted very, very high.
Dopeler Effect: The tendency of stupid ideas to seem smarter when they come at you rapidly.
The Washington Post has also published the winning submissions to its yearly contest, in which readers are asked to supply alternate meanings for common words. And the winners are:
esplanade, v. to attempt an explanation while drunk.
negligent, adj. absentmindedly answering the door when wearing only a nightgown.
lymph, v. to walk with a lisp.
pokemon, n.. a Rastafarian proctologist.
Frisbeetarianism, n. the belief that, after death, the soul flies up onto the roof and gets stuck there.
Tuesday, February 19, 2008
Great Marketing Mistakes
1. Coors put its slogan, "Turn it loose," into Spanish, where it was read as "Suffer from diarrhea."
2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.
3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick."
4. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la," meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax," depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "Ko-kou- ko-le," translating into "happiness in the mouth."
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2. Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: Nothing sucks like an Electrolux.
3. Clairol introduced the "Mist Stick," a curling iron, into German only to find out that "mist" is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the "manure stick."
4. The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as "Ke-kou-ke-la," meaning "Bite the wax tadpole" or "female horse stuffed with wax," depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent "Ko-kou- ko-le," translating into "happiness in the mouth."
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Wednesday, February 13, 2008
MEN'S GUIDE TO VALENTINES
From Men's Health, most men think they're doing well with certain gifts but women see them differently...
The Gift: Chocolates
What men see: A classic token of your affection
What she sees: A serious lack of immagination and 10 hours of aerobics
Strategy: Skip it
The Gift: A professional massage
What Men see: A way to pass the back-rub buck
What she sees: A man who knows what a women wants
Strategy: Give it
The Gift: A romantic dinner for two at a french restaurant
What men see: $117 plus tax & tip
What she sees: Candlelight, champagne, souffle'... heaven
Strategy: Charge
The Gift: Those little candy hearts stamped with phrases like "Be Mine" and "Luv You"
What men see: A boyish gesture of puppy love
What she sees: Your love expressed in two-word phrases on rock hard lumps of corn syrup
Strategy: Don't even think about it
The Gift: A Hallmark Card
What men see: A last-minute remedy for almost forgetting the holiday
What she sees: Another guy
Strategy: Don't bother
The Gift: A pair of tickets to a NBA game
What men see: An offbeat present that she just might like
What she sees: A thinly veiled attempt at giving yourself a present
Strategy: Sacrifice it (tape the game)
The Gift: A slinky red teddy from Victoria Secret
What men see: The gift that keeps on giving
What she sees: Soft. Silky. Just the right amount of sleaze
Strategy: get the right size
The Gift: Breakfast in bed
What men see: A dazzling display of your culinary prowess
What she sees: Burnt toast
Strategy: Cater it
The Gift: A dozen roses
What men see: An unoriginal gift that she love
What she sees: An unoriginal gift that she loves
Strategy: Buy 2 dozen
The Gift: Chocolates
What men see: A classic token of your affection
What she sees: A serious lack of immagination and 10 hours of aerobics
Strategy: Skip it
The Gift: A professional massage
What Men see: A way to pass the back-rub buck
What she sees: A man who knows what a women wants
Strategy: Give it
The Gift: A romantic dinner for two at a french restaurant
What men see: $117 plus tax & tip
What she sees: Candlelight, champagne, souffle'... heaven
Strategy: Charge
The Gift: Those little candy hearts stamped with phrases like "Be Mine" and "Luv You"
What men see: A boyish gesture of puppy love
What she sees: Your love expressed in two-word phrases on rock hard lumps of corn syrup
Strategy: Don't even think about it
The Gift: A Hallmark Card
What men see: A last-minute remedy for almost forgetting the holiday
What she sees: Another guy
Strategy: Don't bother
The Gift: A pair of tickets to a NBA game
What men see: An offbeat present that she just might like
What she sees: A thinly veiled attempt at giving yourself a present
Strategy: Sacrifice it (tape the game)
The Gift: A slinky red teddy from Victoria Secret
What men see: The gift that keeps on giving
What she sees: Soft. Silky. Just the right amount of sleaze
Strategy: get the right size
The Gift: Breakfast in bed
What men see: A dazzling display of your culinary prowess
What she sees: Burnt toast
Strategy: Cater it
The Gift: A dozen roses
What men see: An unoriginal gift that she love
What she sees: An unoriginal gift that she loves
Strategy: Buy 2 dozen
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
LEMONS and SUGAR
(thanks to Bob and Shelly Hoff)
There are at least two people in this world
that you would die for.
At least 15 people in this world
love you in some way.
Th e only reason anyone would ever hate you
is because they want to be just like you.
Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you
before they go to sleep.
Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
When you make the biggest mistake ever,
something good comes from it.
When you think the world has turned its back on you
take another look.
. Always remember the compliments you received.
forget about the rude remarks.
And always remember....
when life hands you Lemons,
ask for Sugar and call me over!
Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Life keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only
God keeps You Going
There are at least two people in this world
that you would die for.
At least 15 people in this world
love you in some way.
Th e only reason anyone would ever hate you
is because they want to be just like you.
Every night, SOMEONE thinks about you
before they go to sleep.
Someone that you don't even know exists loves you.
When you make the biggest mistake ever,
something good comes from it.
When you think the world has turned its back on you
take another look.
. Always remember the compliments you received.
forget about the rude remarks.
And always remember....
when life hands you Lemons,
ask for Sugar and call me over!
Happiness keeps You Sweet,
Trials keep You Strong,
Sorrows keep You Human,
Life keeps You Humble,
Success keeps You Glowing,
But Only
God keeps You Going
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